Sylvia's Journal

For a short while I could do an amazing trick yesterday during the day: standing on my bad foot only, I was able to push up on my toes and lift my heel about half an inch from the ground. It was a little easier with shoes on; then I could lift my heel even higher. I was so excited that I could do this finally. But then, in the evening, no doubt because of my physical therapy and the long walk, I reverted back to my earlier stiffness. And the few times during the night I got up to go to the bathroom my foot was so stiff that I could hardly walk. Now, in the morning I wonder how I managed my trick from yesterday. It seems impossible again.

This morning I woke up from many dreams. One includes Joan, doing well but with a greatly disfigured arm. In another dream I had lost my place in the middle of a powerpoint presentation which included a reading from a book. I even had forgotten the title of my presentation and the place in the book where I was supposed to read from. I had hoped that Axel would help me out but he didn’t. He was busy with something else. The people in the audience either did not seem to notice or were infinitely patient with me, until some weird screensaver kicked in. Then Axel started to search frantically with me. I am glad I woke up. There were many more dreams or parts of one long dream; chaotic, bizarre with me always looking for Axel who was busy or having a great time. I was the one who wanted to leave.

Friday was a half day at the office. Josephine and I worked hard on getting all the materials together and finishing the writing and copying of session handouts and teaching notes. We had a brief meeting with Mokaya from the Kenya Institute of Administration who will be part of our team. He is also teaching full time so it is hard to get a hold of him. We were able to meet with him briefly before the start of his class. He asked about Axel who he has never met. Because they are following our recovery on Caringbridge, many people feel they know Axel and follow his recovery like they are following mine. I get such a kick out of this.

When the lights in the office were being turned off and people started to leave I got nervous. During previous visits I was completely independent. I would walk to and from my hotel, an easy walk if you are sure-footed. Now I cannot do this so easily, especially with all the stuff I carry along. I felt a bit helpless as people are starting to leave and I had not been able to get a taxi. This is the part of my current condition that creates much anxiety; little things like this that I never even thought about before. The world is an entirely different place if you can’t walk that well. When Josephine finally left an hour later she noticed I was still there. Her husband, waiting for her in the car downstairs, gave me a lift to the hotel.

I had another physical therapy session with Karen and although it was once again pretty intense, I felt great afterward. Either foolishly or bravely I walked, far too long (explaining my current stiffness and soreness no doubt) over nonexisting or very uneven sidewalks to a nearby shopping center. It was very hard work. I walked partially because it would be faster than the traffic but also because I had wanted to check out Dr. Li’s Chinese Herbal Remedies and Acupuncture clinic. I was curious about acupuncture by a real Chinese doctor. He had successfully cured Karen’s son-in-law from allergies. Unfortunately the clinic is closed on weekends, so no acupuncture this time.

At the Uchumi supermarket, amidst thousands of Indian shoppers preparing for their Dawali festival tonight, I stocked up on such survival items as chocolate and chips for late night snacks next week. Gone are all my good intentions from the early recovery period when I avoided anything that was unwholesome and that would surely distract my body from healing. I am still avoiding the alcohol on behalf of the nerves, however.

Ida and I had a wonderful dinner in a garden restaurant and were finally able to catch up on our lives. When we meet in a work setting we never get around to that. Later Sita Skyped me and we watched each other on videos through our webcams. I showed her my hotel room and droopy flowers and I could see her cats and even the weather outside. We made faces at each other. She is off to Delhi in a couple of weeks for another interesting assignment.

There were loud bangs throughout the evening and the night. These were fireworks from Dawali revelers, not gunshots. They sound the same as I remember from Lebanon.