Sylvia's Journal

Glad to read another contributor to the journal and more eye witness reports about Axel. His computer is also in rehab but as soon as it returns I hope that Axel himself can start to post. For now Joe or Tessa or Sita will do that for him.

Yesterday I wrote about the two necklaces. There are a few big and prominent beads on the necklace of sighs and disappointments which I did not mention because they are so hard for me to look at and describe. These are the beads that represent Axel, Joan, Morsi and Neveen and Ahmad (Morsi’s children). Something momentous has happened in their lives for which I am responsible. This is as far as I can go with it, now. (By the way, they are also beads on the necklace of blessings, where I can look them more squarely in the face).

The first few days after the accident I had this movie playing in my head and I was trying to give it another ending. This compulsion has stopped now. The movie still starts sometime but then I physically turn my head away – I don”t want to see what happens next.

One of these days I have to tackle the big brown manilla envelope which contains the paperwork that I need to fill in for the NTSB. I have asked Arne from the Beverly Flight Center to assist me in this. Arne, I think the time has come to do this, what about Monday?

The plane(wreck) is in Maine somewhere. Suddenly it had left Gardner airport, before Jim was able to get our belongings out. (I am especially anxious to get Axel his backpack with his notebook and camera back. As you know he did not travel anywhere without these two items.)

Antony from Baku had asked what about the plane….well, it is a wreck. If you google my name plus words like small airplane crash and/or Gardner airport you will see that question answered quite clearly.

The night is still cut up in countless half hour segments through which I move in slow motion. I have given up on getting the pain medication right. I should have known that there are constantly changing dynamics in my body and between my body and mind, which makes settling on one fixed dose impossible. Nurse Tessa is doing her best but here no one can advise me I fear.

I am going to visit Axel this morning. We had a plan to visit him yesterday but my body tends to be at the end of its rope by the time 6 PM rolls around and protests against even the most minor challenges. A road trip to Salem seemed like a cross country trip.

Tomorrow is Axel’s 61st birthday. I have a lot to be thankful for.