Sylvia's Journal

I am still waking up several times a night. I have gotten used to it and have come to accept it, as much else. I have now a much higher tolerance for discomfort and pain. For the physiical aspect I am relying on heat- and ice-packs, exercises and going to bed early as ways to manage this condition. Psychologically I can live with all of this simply because I can (and because things turned out as well as they did). I remember some years ago getting all upset about the pains in my knee and having to stop playing squash. It was the worse thing that could have happened to me, I thought at the time. Now I know better and I can smile. How little did I know then.

Although I cannot remember my dreams of the night, I did wake up at one time with words on my lips. I have come to pay attention to these as they have nearly always triggered insights or provided a key to something I needed to know or contemplate. There was ‘Track changes!’ which I believe was a command. There was ‘stacked right’ which reminded me of the importance of facing danger and threat together. But this morning the meaning is not that obvious. I am really puzzled. The words came to me in two languages and mean different things but they are both legal terms, and somewhat related as a search on google quickly proved. One was ‘ward of the state’ and the other ‘voogdes’ which is Dutch for female custodian (of a child). The google search led me to a whackie site about Indigo children and the god Wodan. I think I’ll save it for my next EMDR session.

Yesterday was the last day of our OBTS Board meeting. In the middle of the day we walked the Babson Campus to see the various buildings where the conference will take place. It turned out to be a walk that lasted 45 minutes or so and I was truly exhausted. I did not bring my cane or anything to help me walk, not realizing how long it was going to be. It was the longest (time and distance) walk since July 14 and it took the wind out of me. After lunch I sat with my heat-pack on my shoulder and a cold pack on my ankle and managed to hang in there till about 4 PM. I left before the meeting was officially over, in the middle of a series of motions from the president. I arrived home about 5 PM.

I found the flowers that had expired on the birthday chair much as I had expected. I could see how festive it had looked before. All the animals were still standing on the table, looking a bit tired and lonely. I was lonely too since everyone had gone shopping for the evening meal (tacos). I did my hot/cold water foot soak routine and collapsed in my comfy chair. Sita’s friends Brian and Tim came for dinner but not after Tim had gotten stuck on the beach at the exact place where Annette’s taxidriver had gotten stuck a couple of weeks ago. We had a lovely dinner together and discovered that when Axel eats spicy food now only the left side of his forehead sweats. The part on the right side of the scar is totally dry. This is funny because his right side feels ‘woody’ and you’d expect that part to be on fire.

Bedtime (for me) was early and sleep came quickly.