Sylvia's Journal

Both of us limped along yesterday. Axel is not really limping; he just walks with a stoop, like his dad did when I first met him. I was really limping no matter how hard I tried not to. We canceled our daily constitutional, for that reason but also because the roads were covered with ice. Axel also canceled his OT appointment early in the morning. We are not taking any risks with icy roads this winter.

I did go to my session with Ruth. We haven’t seen each other much. That is because she acquired two grand babies over the last few weeks. So we did not do any EMDR stuff but caught up with all that has happened since I last saw her. That includes about 20 landings. I told her that I did not need the imaginary fluffy bunny that had appeared in my previous EMDR session when we focused on landings and my breaking out in cold sweat. The landings required so much concentration that there was no room for an imaginary creature in the cockpit. And now I don’t need it anymore. I feel confident and sufficiently skilled again. In fact, I don’t think I ever lost the skill. It was the confidence that was in question. It is back again.

I did finally call the FAA safety officer who had written me a letter early August to contact him when I was ready to fly again. I have to make an appointment for what is called a 709 check ride. We agreed that doing this test in Windsor Locks in Connecticut was not very convenient and I am now scheduling it for Hanscom Airbase in Bedford, a bit closer to Beverly. Before that check ride I will have flown a bit more. This Friday, weather permitting, I am flying out with one of my plane co-owners to pick up our newly outfitted plane from Pease Air force base. As he will be flying our plane back I will return on my own. It will be my first solo since July 14. And one week later Arne has scheduled a flight to Gardner Airport to retrace my flight of that fateful day. I think Arne won’t rest until I am solidly back in the saddle. I feel pretty solid now, except for the Gardner piece.

In between all therapies and phone calls I tried to whittle down my email in box and got to 69 remaining emails. That is not quite the empty mailbox I am shooting for but it is the first time since I got back to work that I got below a hundred emails. Of course I found all sorts of things I was supposed to have done and as a result I was occupied the entire day with lots of largely unconnected activities that each took little time but added up to a lot. None of my bigger projects got the attention I had reserved for them. It felt a bit like running on a treadmill; with each email deleted a few new ones came in. It is a bit stressful as I like to be on top of things and don’t feel I am. The one big accomplishment was that I got my OBTC proposal in, only 3 days after the deadline.

Physical therapy (foot day) consisted of hot packs, ultrasound and massage of my sore foot and leg muscles. Nothing stress- or painful, not even a bike ride. That was OK with me. The body needs a break from all the exercises. It is going at its own pace which clearly cannot be rushed. It seems that every few weeks I need to be reminded of that.

Axel had his EMG done and came back in high spirits. The profile of his muscle activity has much changed (for the better). Of course we already knew this but now we have scientific proof. How fast, and how much the nerves will regenerate so that he can extend his fingers, is everyone’s guess. Thus far, he has healed well. He has an appointment in another 4 months.

So here we are, soon to be five months post-crash. Our recovery, though slow from day to day, continues steadily. Nevertheless I sometimes get very impatient and discouraged. I have to make myself read entries from a month ago to see that we are actually speeding quite nicely along.