Sylvia's Journal

I woke up from a dream in which I was meeting two friends in a museum. I remember asking one to come and sit down with me because I was in so much pain. It was arthrititic pain. I could hardly walk. Once seated, I still could not get comfortable. All my joints ached. Then I woke up. And all my joints still ached. The common cold has taken on flu-like symptoms. The frustration I am feeling about this came through in an earlier dream. I was in China. I had passed immigration but somehow emerged without my passport. I knew that without that passport I would not be able to leave the country. It was Friday afternoon and too late to get a new passport from the US Embassy; besides the US officials wanted an X-ray and I could not find a place to get this done. People with me said I should simply wait for Monday. But I did not want to wait till Monday.

I was so ready to start going in to Cambridge and work a full or nearly full load this week. But my body is protesting. It does that by resisting a good night sleep and by producing all sorts of pains that are new, or at least different than the ones I have been coping with. It is very discouraging.

Yesterday, after a wonderful massage and a very long shower I felt ready to tackle the day. Despite my sleepless night I had sufficient energy to finish my trip and expense reports and sort through my accumulated e-mails. At the end of the day I had my usual foot physical therapy with compliments from the therapist about my progress. I have fewer exercises to do because many are embedded in functional activities like walking and biking that I am now doing more of. Still, I have these sharp jabbing pains that remind me that something was dislocated and broken down there and the walking and biking remains a bit of a challenge.

My EMDR therapist Ruth Conway is in between two new grandchildren, one born and one about to pop. I had not seen her for four weeks. We were able to squeeze in one session, before she goes out to welcome the next grandchild. We focused on the cold sweats of landing the plane that I experienced in September and may experience again soon, as I made an appointment for flight lessons this weekend. The session brought up images of sledding down a mountain at full speed and out of control. Over the course of the hour the imagery changed to something that is more likely to produce a soft landing, with imagery of fluffy heaps of snow and piles of stuffed animals. In particular a soft fluffy bunny, like one I gave to Tessa some time ago, became a prominent actor in the show, taking first the pilot and then the co-pilot seat. I left the session less anxious about the lessons for this weekend, but also with a warning from Ruth to take it easy and not push myself to do things I am not ready for.

Axel had prepared another Thanksgiving meal out of the leftovers from Maribeth’s leftovers. I went to bed with a cup of hot Theraflu medicine and then the night went pretty much the way the previous night went; except for the dreams, and the pains.