Sylvia's Journal

One day slowly relinquishes to the next over a long night. Last night I followed this process in half hour segments. Some nights are endless. It appears that I am less stiff after such a night, maybe because I move more, sit up, drink some water, pee, go back to sleep, whereas the few nights I slept long hours, I wake up stiff as a corpse.

Axel and I judge our days as good and bad. Much of that has to do with how we feel physically. For me yesterday appeared good for a long time and then about 6 PM I completely fell apart and could not stop crying. A few complications, all mashed together reached the threshold of what I can handle: the dishwasher saga, a series of what seemed simple questions about our finances and administration, my concern for the girls’ well being and I just wanted to roll up in a ball and go to a faraway place. Tessa put me to bed at 6:30 and reminded me of the nurse at Umass Medical who told me it was time to stop entertaining the many guests and focus on myself and my body’s healing. “You are way too strong!” – Tessa repeated those words. But at that moment I did not feel strong at all, more like a jellyfish. Still it is hard to extract myself from all the endless decision making processes that are going on in the background.

Not surprising it was a night full of vivid dreams. I remember a part on a ski lift and worrying how to get off at the top with my cast. I was thinking of something very complicated which involved dropping my skis at a flat piece and landing on my good leg. And then, so very simple, the ski lift operator stopped the lift at the top and wheeled up my wheelchair and I got off without any effort or risk. Another part of my dream involved my sister and brother-in-law checking out a (the?) house and each room was named after another African country and I had the largest room which I had to share.

I had a fairly quiet day and spent most of the morning making more paper flowers. I only had one visitor at the end of the day, Martin Imm from North Shore Friends meeting who has offered to take the girls on a sailing trip so they can relax. Our neighbor Kurt showed up holding the biggest level in the world and brought his carpenter Paul. He held a bunch of papers which he said was a summary of the 1000s of ADA requirements for ramps. They took measurements for the ramp out of the backdoor which will allow me to wheel myself out into the yard when the good weather returns.

Suzie Talbot finished making our vegetable garden the most beautiful in the neighborhood and Tessa brought me the most perfect pepper and tomato. Oh how I wish I could sit in that garden and watch things grow.

Steve and his friend Mike went mussel picking and produced a delicious meal with which they sent me off to bed.