Sylvia's Journal

Yesterday was the 14th. I am still counting in months. It now has been 4 months. I don’t think all that much about the crash anymore, except when people ask why I am limping, which I do especially on my way to or from the dining hall. It is a bit of a hike and I can’t quite hide the limp. Those are the only times and I am factual and brief in my reply. But last evening, while Eunice gave me my last massage, the image of me losing control of the plane suddenly re-appeared out of nowhere and I found my whole body going rigid, right in the middle of the massage. And then it passed. I guess there is still a part inside me someplace that has not quite come to terms with what happened. My EMDR therapy has been interrupted for three weeks and it is obvious that I am not quite done with it, no matter how good I may look and how much I appear to have resumed my old life.

And so I switch my focus from the big global picture of poverty and maternal and infant mortality to my recovering body. I can’t quite control it as it happens without my intent or consent: a body part complains and wants attention. I respond with a massage and a warm bath. When all had calmed down again I went to bed.

We have passed the halfway point of the workshop and my departure is in sight, tomorrow, in fact. The work is not quite done but we are on track and everyone is learning, as intended. This includes me. I continue to learn about working across cultural and other boundaries. From time to time there are surprises; about how seemingly innocuous words or acts that were meant to serve a common goal are received quite differently on the other end. Our collective challenge, on all sides of the many divides (culture, age, gender, profession, you name it), is to keep talking, distinguish intents from interpretations, consider impact and then move on, everyone a bit wiser. Such experiences reinforce my resolve to get better at what I believe I am supposed to do on this earth (and maybe why I was given a second chance) which is to help us learn to have productive, rather than destructive conversations about things that matter. There will be more of this today, no doubt.