Sylvia's Journal

The reflection of the sun in the Putnam windows caught me straight in the eye. Before it woke me up it mingled with a theme in my dream that was about doing several things concurrently. Holding the sun in my eye and continuing the dream turned out to be too much. Wanting to, but not able to do several things at the same time is probably an accurate description of my state of mind as it relates to my workload. I have to be creative, and ask for help, in order to manage. I tell Axel to do this, so why not apply it to myself.

Yesterday I took over the facilitation of the virtual leadership course from Morsi. He has been facilitating the course for three weeks non stop and was rather tired. Taking over meant that I had to review all that had happened in the last three weeks, where each team (of 11) is, checking correspondence, their progress on tasks, etc. The module I am leading will continue till the 28^th of March, when I will already be on my way to Kabul. That too I have to sort out.

There are two other virtual events that are happening or in preparation that ask for my full attention plus a whole host of non virtual stuff that require writing, thinking, designing, telephoning, etc. At times I feel like I am skating on the edge of panic. The feeling was intense enough yesterday that I decided to reserve all of Tuesday for another day of working at home. I get more done that way, being able to have long stretches of time during which I can work without interruption, something that is impossible when I go in to my office. Working from home also saves me two hours of commuting time for more productive use. Why not work from home all the time? Some of the work is being in meetings and I do love working with my colleagues and hearing the stories of people coming or going. I missed that part of my work from July till November and it is one of the reasons I do not want to be a consultant.

Yesterday afternoon Axel and I went for a walk around the loop again, hoping that it would get Axel’s muscles out of their knots. He continues to be in pain and we keep trying to figure out what happened that caused all this. Today he will see his physical therapist again and we hope the visit will bring some relief.

After our walk, in between snow and sleet an hour of mild spring weather seduced me into the garden where I started to clean out the winter debris. There are tiny green sprouts poking out of the ground everywhere; the onions are already half a foot high and one tiny Swiss Chard plant has survived the winter. If last year the garden was abundant, this year it is going to be magnificent. After I had removed the debris I stood for awhile, leaning on the rake, surveying my handiwork and contemplating this little patch so full of promise. I know this, but have to re-discover it again and again, that gardening – or any physical activity for that matter – is a good way to subdue waves of panic and neuter the stress that comes with it.