Sylvia's Journal

Yesterday was a dreary day full of fog. We were both in a funk. We tried to do things to get us out of our dreariness, like sewing curtains or trying to do (income-generating) work, even reading a book but everything turned out wrong: the curtains are slambanged together (they hang), the work created more work or rework and the book (Strange Loop) has gotten incomprehensible now that the author is explaining some basic principles about mathematics to get to the title of his book. Both of us fell asleep over our reading material.

I don’t know why the expression ‘being on cloud nine’ is so positive because being on nine, or surrounded by the other eight clouds, is not pleasant at all. I had hoped to go flying with Bill, once more to Owl’s Head but we would go anywhere if the weather would let us. But at 11:00 AM all the airways out of Beverly airport where closed to pilots with my level of skill. I hung out for a little while with the other stranded pilots and admired the two gigantic airships, each advertising for something we ought to have in our life, that were using up considerable real estate of the airport. With their noses tied to a pole they are like giant windsocks, putting the tiny orange sock temporarily out of business.

Unlike the day after Tessa’s 21st birthday when I found bodies asleep all over the yard with empty bottles of previously forbidden drinks next to them, this time I found only two bodies in the living room and no shocking number of empty alcohol containers. The party had been small and very grown up, with people talking in soft voices about weighty things. When Axel turned 23 he had already been married for over a year. The kids have become responsible adults. I feel sorry for parents with young kids as I know what is awaiting them in the next 10 years. I am so very grateful for what Tessa and Sita have become.

What finally got us out of the fog was a romantic comedy (Dan in Real Life) that was about daughters, doing dumb things and finally marriage with love providing the force and fuel to overcome the consequences of all sorts of stupidities and mess-ups.

This morning we stayed in bed longer than we usually do and talked about the 14th of July which is coming into view. The closer it comes the more stuff gets raked loose about it. We are not out of the woods yet, especially Axel and we are still getting used to the idea, consequences and impact of Axel’s lingering handicaps. I am starting to relive the run-up to the day and flooded by regrets; the ‘if only’s’ that I thought I had gotten rid off months ago are lined up like gremlins with grins on their faces saying ‘we’re ba[ha]ck!”