Sylvia's Journal

In my tiredness last night I had turned my alarm on by mistake and was woken up at the usual Kabul time, when the electricity used to come on and prayers start, a little after 5 AM. The alarm interrupted a complicated dream in which we had to drag very heavy poles for a jogging course high up in the mountains. It was an impossible job to do for individuals and we all struggled on our own. I suspect the dream was triggered by our conversation over dinner with Sietske and Piet about the work we are doing in Afghanistan – dragging stuff up mountains, alone.

As I traveled from Kabul to Amsterdam I went through three seasons in less than forty eight hours: from dry-cold-blue-sky winter weather in Kabul to dry-hot-summer weather in Dubai to wet-windy-chilly fall weather in Holland. The tiny tulips in the KLM lounge at Dubai airport and the budding hyacinths at Sietske’s house complemented the experience with a nod to spring. Last night thunder, hail and rain storms battered the windows and roof of the addition that is my home whenever I am in Holland. This morning there is snow on the ground.

I left my fancy hotel in Dubai early morning yesterday. On Friday there is little traffic and we got to the terminal in no time. It was nice that KLM’s departure time has changed from midnight to 8 AM as it allowed for a full night sleep. I was able to exchange points for a business class upgrade which made the trip quite pleasant. I got much work done so that I return to Cambridge with only one large writing task left.

I did not follow developments in the world much during my stay in Kabul, no TV and no papers. In the KLM’s lounge in Dubai I learned from CNN that I probably have to work until I am 80 now that my retirement savings have been reduced by more than half; when I left home a few weeks ago I thought 2021 was my EYR (expected year of retirement). On the positive side, I am lucky to have a job. I also learned that the Atlantis resort complex on one of Dubai’s palm shaped island collections opened at a cost that is about half of the GNP of Liberia. What economic downturn? If I had known I would have requested a top floor room and watched the fireworks. I imagine that the fireworks alone could have built and staffed a hospital in Afghanistan for several years.

Each time I go on a complicated trip like this I am reminded of how mindful one has to be while traveling. You have to remember what you carry and where you put stuff with all the security distractions. This is now more difficult than it used to be. Today’s luggage has many more zippers and compartments than before. I repeatedly fall for that feature because it gives the illusion of being organized but actually complicates things because you have more to remember. It creates the occasional panic attack when you don’t have a routine yet with a new piece of luggage, and your passport, money or boarding pass got put in the wrong place.

Focus, structure, mindfulness also served like a mantra during my two weeks in Kabul, both for myself and for my counterparts. It was a constant challenge for all of us not to get carried away on a stream of powerful emotions like indignation, anger and frustration. They are seductive because, for a moment, you feel like you have figured things out and it is the other who is bad, not you. In such a state it is hard work to imagine a situation from someone else’s viewpoint and inquire whether the data on which these judgments are based are true, imagined or made up because of some unmentionable agenda. It is so much easier and satisfying to jump to conclusions and make harsh judgments about things and people.