Sylvia's Journal

Outside the sun is up and the snow gone but it is very cold; a spring teaser. I am staying inside, in my pajamas, maybe even the whole day as there is no reason to leave the house. All my work can be done via a computer screen and a phone line.

I woke up from a dream that included a plane (the Iron Lady) that toppled over on the ground. “A silly little ground crash,” I explained to the woman sitting next to me with a petrified expression on her face. “It’s nothing,” I said and then in my mind imagined what the crash would have been like if we had been in the air. The tour leader of our outing in the plane came to our rescue and gave us necklaces made from African beads. I declined as I had most of them already. Although threads of the dream stayed with me for a while they are now mostly gone, because I already started to work and work, I learned, interferes with dreams (even though we encourage people to work towards their dreams).

Waking up was accompanied by a piercing headache and nausea, a lousy combination. I am usually quick to wake up and get myself into fourth gear but not this morning. Maybe it was the week old cabbage soup I had for dinner last night, standing at the kitchen counter while reading Heifer International’s beautiful magazine. On impulse I went to their website to see if they have a job for me in the Boston area, I like what they do and how they do it and suspects it has more impact than what I do. But they only have one job in Arkansas for an operations director at a salary that I could not afford (maybe I could in Arkansas). In the process I discovered they organize trips to the places they have made an impact. What a great idea. This could be a source of revenue for MSH, we have plenty of places to show to rich people who want to be more relevant to the work of the world.

I have been on the phone already for hours trying to figure out whether I shall be going to Ghana next Saturday and it looks like I will not, since I can’t reach the people I need to talk with to start organizing stuff. Not feeling all so great, cancelling a trip seems like a good idea.

I had my hair cut yesterday and in the process learned the gory details of a marriage disintegrating with years of resentment spilling out like angry flames from a house on fire, devouring every last bit of self respect and confidence that my hairdresser had left in her. It is the opposite of the 70-year old predator female from yesterday’s entry. But once again the law appears to side with the predator, the unfaithful and greedy husband this time. And then I read a story about the bailout and the banks and realize that everything converges on this one phenomenon: the strong, the rich, the ones in power always win (male or female), no matter what. It could make me a cynic, especially if it comes to me in such large doses from so many different directions.