Sylvia's Journal

It is rare for me to wonder whether my presence here makes any difference. But today is one of these days as I ponder a vitriolic email, written clearly in great anger by someone who should have known better. Despite its request for ‘utmost confidentiality’ is has, by now I am sure, circulated widely among the friends of the foreigners to whom it was addressed, internationals and locals alike and no doubt reached those who it sought to discredit.

As with so many other things here it is hard to gauge motivation for actions: revenge, a settling of accounts, sabotaging someone else’s ascendancy and (or) an expression of deep hurt, or all of the above. The ripples of this country’s leadership stalemate spread out in ever larger circles and I can’t help but think that nothing good can come from this. It even leads me to question my own mission here.

But then I return to work with people who are serious, confident, and who work hard. They are relatively secure in their professional identity; they are thoughtful and want to do better so they can make things better. Whether what they get in return is worth all of this is hard to gauge. Getting a good salary is nice, and, for the more senior people, myself included, being treated with respect, being listened to, having your words have weight is nice too.

But what I saw today is what might happen if some of these ‘rewards’ are taken away, or perceived to be taken away. It brought the devil out of the basement.

On a more positive note, now that my formal language classes have started, I am even more motivated to speak Dari well and soon. I got a huge amount of homework and only two (work) days to complete it. I was so engrossed in my homework that I didn’t even realize that two hours had passed when a colleague came knocking on my door after dark, surprised to see me still at my desk at dinner time.

I showed him my written homework and he quickly spotted several spelling mistakes. I am trying to write spoken Dari and the two don’t match – he gave me a brief on-the-spot lesson about the differences. May be this is why the language school teaches you transliterated Dari with lower case and upper case vowels but I find those even harder to memorize.

I have learned to use my English keyboard for Dari script, there is no logic: h= A, l=m, k=n, g=l, only the s is the same. As with anything else, it take endless practice until the neural connection is made (done) and then more practice to strengthen the connector (in process). I consider the extra energy now to use the official script a wise investment. And I am sure it will contribute to brain health.