Sylvia's Journal

Today was jam packed with interesting speakers, lectures, and panels of Afghans and foreigners. We started off with a rather dry subject, Afghan tax law. After the lecture I was happy to know that none of it applied to us; a good thing because somehow the Afghans decided that foreigners who live here at least 150 days or thereabouts, should pay the Afghan government taxes on income earned outside this country.

Axel and my Dari teachers, a man and woman came to explain to us about friendship in the Afghan context; how one makes friends, what kinds of friendships there are and the social rules governing friendships.

A panel of expats, some of whom who had lived here for 20 year, answered several questions we had submitted the previous day. We listened to their joys of living in Afghanistan, their frustrations, how they balance work and play, what they do for play and we learned about their regrets (not spending more time with Afghans in their homes). To my surprise people do mountain bike, hike, go on walks, all things we had not expected possible (they may not be for us). I was inspired by their commitments, their knowledge of the local language, and their insights about how to be a good guest in this country.

A panel of one language teacher, an office manager and two doctors (all Afghans) told us what mistakes foreigners make, and what any foreigner should know and learn about living here. They shared with us what Afghans gossip about when they discuss foreigners, the myths that circulate about us and what they will never tell us directly. The ‘don’t blow your nose in public’ I had already learned after having done so for weeks during a cold in the fall. I also learned it is very impolite to eat an apple without offering people sitting left and right of you a bite, or a piece of any food you may be consuming.

In this and other sessions we were given tips on how to respond to and reciprocate invitations, visits, gifts and etiquette when having or attending a tea party such as where to sit and how to sit, as a woman and as a man. I am glad that I learned that women are not supposed to touch their hearts like men do when greeting because, apparently, only bad (loose?)women do that.

Most amazing were the people in our course. Two young American mothers attended with their 1 month and 3 months old infants, each carefully nursing their babies under an ingenuously designed hooped cloth contraption that allowed the private act of nursing to be done in public. I managed to knit each a pair of baby booties and one also a small hat while listening to the lectures.

I would never have expected that American families would move here with small children, but they do, despite protest from grandparents. Others we met, grandparents themselves, had flown all their offspring, babies and all, into Kabul for Easter vacation. For some people this is as much a family post as any other developing country, and for some of those kids Afghanistan is their first home.

One thing that all the people attending and teaching in this course had in common is their faith – they are part of a Christian community that has been staying here through thick and thin for 40 years. What we consider a long stay (four years) is nothing for them. Their time horizon is long: one gentleman recently left after a 40 year stay.

They lived through the hell of the Mujahedeen fight over Kabul, which totally destroyed the same neighbourhood we are now sharing. They lived through the Taliban with commanders outside their gate to check on the comings and going into their compound. They lived through kidnappings, sudden death, assassinations and much stress – but listening to their stories about being in this country one could only be inspired.

When it comes to faith they are in a way much closer to the Afghans than most other foreigners are as they know and practice what Islam is all about: surrender or submission to God’s will; this maybe why and how they survived, as a tribe, together with all the other tribes here in this wild and beautiful country.