Sylvia's Journal

Working here is like a roller coaster ride. Some days I am high and full of hope and confidence, like yesterday when the acting minister invited me to take a seat on the Technical Advisory Committee, or when the revised Basic Package of Health Services was signed. Or when I see people behaving with more confidence, strength, insight.

But now I am down in the dumps, so deep down that I am considering packing my bags and leaving. It is one of these days that I think the challenges are too big, the divides too wide to bridge and that there is little I can do to contribute to the kind of Afghanistan people dream about. For me, the arch-optimist, it is hard to even ask the question that so many other people ask, ‘can it be done?’

There are so many factors that make working here challenging. Surprisingly the security is the least of them all. Today I stumbled upon a landmine, figuratively I must add, since there are plenty of the real things here. The explosive response to my naïve stumble left me stunned and convinced that it’s this gender thing again and that it is going to break me.

We have three fundraisers lined up for the next three days – all to benefit girls in one way or another. It will provide a good antidote for the dark thoughts that are crowding in on my heart.