Sylvia's Journal

We were like the black crow and the white pigeon from my recently completed Dari book, sitting across the table from each other. He, an adviser paid by a competing donor, an Afghan doctor (male) saying: “Everything is dirty, broken, polluted. Everyone is corrupt. No one cares. Nothing will come of this,” and then followed a list of problems without end.

He described a dark, dirty and debris-filled pool from which polluted rivers flowed. The pool represents senior leadership, an interesting image for me that tells something about what leadership means here: a reservoir from which flows death rather than life. I suppose it is an apt metaphor for Afghanistan. His question: “how can the people lower down, drinking from the polluted rivers, clean up the mess produced upstream?” The images from last night’s news about the toxic mud spill in Hungary flashed in front of my mind. He is right of course – he talks about how things are, not how they could be.

I interrupted him, “could you tell me about something that is good, that is working, people who care and who are honest?” It was as if I had not interrupted his list of problems, he picked it right up where he had left off and continued, until I interrupted him again, saying the same, and then it was his turn to say the same; two broken records.

It was as if we were each talking in our own little bubble, me with my ‘uptalk’ and he with his ‘downtalk,’ miles apart from each other. I couldn’t stand any longer to sit with him because every comment of despair and pessimism drained energy from the reservoir I have that allows me to be an optimist.

I tried to explain the impact his ‘downtalk’ had on me. He smiled and indicated he would try this ‘uptalk.’ But his next sentence started with, “you know, this is our problem…” I put my hand on his arm and told him, ‘no thank you, your problems are well advertised by a whole army of ‘downtalkers.’ This country is too full of them.

My colleague Ali is not like that. He is an ‘uptalker’ and he sees reasons for ‘uptalk’ everywhere. He takes the words out of my mouth and says them in Dari before I realize that he did. I contrast his approach to organizational change with that of the advisor who in essence does not seem to think change is possible. I try to imagine his advising but come up blank. Gripe sessions?