I am dreading the return flight – now only 5 days away as my saved itinerary cheerfully tells me. The slow workings of approvals and such at MSH dashed my hopes and chances for an upgrade on the 14 hour flight to Dubai and even an aisle seat in economy. I am sitting in the end of the very last section, by the window, only one notch up from a middle seat. I keep telling myself, it could have been worse.
The third doctor Axel consulted yesterday, the pulmonary specialist, added his verdict to that of the others: it is not a good idea for him to return to Kabul. So it is definite now: Axel stays home. The final decision came easily once we realized that Axel’s non responsiveness to Prednisone makes his return too risky – a serious asthma attack could become easily life threatening. This is another reason why I am not happy to go back.
Rather low in spirits I set out with Axel, Steve and Tessa in the back with the dogs on their laps, to Vermont for a few days vacation on the B&B farm where Steve works. The host family received us as if we were long lost friends. Steve went right to work to feed the baby goats which he helped birth not so long ago.
In the meantime a fabulous dinner was prepared in the industrial kitchen with all of Steve’s favorite dishes on the menu. Innkeeper Ed opened champagne to toast to the young couple.
In the middle of the night our bed collapsed. Explosion, then earthquake raced through my mind and I felt so vulnerable that I realized I haven’t quite come down from Kabul –a vaguely familiar feeling from way back, of trying to come down from Beirut. It took some time, I remember.
Needless to say I am not ready to return to Kabul.
Sylvia's Journal 
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