Today started off bleak with me pitying myself, to tears, about my professional re-entry. I wrote to a colleague for advice – how to handle the stalemate, the not getting enough work to stay afloat. Support came from an unexpected corner – help to reframe and re-center – but none of it will help me in the short run I fear.
I did participate in a teleconference of the US team that supports the Afghanistan team and there was finally a tiny sense of belonging again. Afterwards I talked with my supervisor and I asked for more advocacy, more action and told him I felt totally abandoned by the organization I had served for 25 years. Silence.
I did some work on the proposal that is still far out into the future. By now I have nearly exhausted what can be done so far ahead. The two weeks of vacation I had reserved for my trip to Holland are kicking in on Monday.
It has been drizzling all day, miserable weather that makes the yard with its dead leaves look dirty and unkempt. The indoor plants appear to like it, enjoying their last few days outside, a last fling before hibernation.
In the evening we joined friends in Newburyport to see Woody Allen’s wonderful Midnight in Paris movie. On our way there I was acutely aware of our freedom, to do whatever we want without having to check with security, asking for a car and driver and drive along deserted streets with too many people with guns, go through checkpoints upon entering building and hoping that all would be quiet. The glass of wine afterwards was also a luxury I did not take for granted.
In the final equation being home does carry the day in spite of the new stresses at work.
Sylvia's Journal 
0 Responses to “Equation”