Sylvia's Journal

We are learning as if we are psychotherapists, since we are surrounded by them. But we are also learning as individuals about ourselves; and then I am also trying to translate the techniques we learn and transfer them from the therapeutic setting to the organizational setting. I am learning that what people often refer to as fluff and warm fuzzies has demonstrable neurobiological phenomena attached to them. I am learning that gratitude and kindness change your biochemistry and why loneliness can make you sick, and even kill you.

I am learning about Polyvagal theory and why it is relevant for my work. The need to belong is hardwired into our brain. It is the most recent (i.e. just millions of years versus half a billion years) in the evolutionary survival mechanisms our brains have developed. This need to belong, when not met, can create havoc in families, communities and organizations.

There is a whole lot of trauma in the world, some is acute like our fall from the sky, acts of violence, the sudden loss of a parent or sibling.  But the more insidious trauma comes from childhood abuse or neglect, when parents, or one parent or caretaker, for all sorts of reasons, cannot take care of a child . The child grows up learning particular ways to cope with the instability, chaos, violence and lack of safety that it experiences at home or in its neighborhood.

By age 4 patterns are laid, activating some brain circuits and not others; epigenetic (which genes are expressed and which are not) changes the child’s genetic make-up, putting an end to the old nature-nurture debate. The patterns persist, in non functional ways, into adulthood. It takes a longtime to learn the more adapted, better patterns of engaging with the world because the learning can only take place when there is a sense of safety and security.  This can only be provided by trusting person(s) or an entire community. This is what makes for resilience – we have known this for a long time but its lack of immediate results makes for a hard sell when it comes to resource allocation.

And if such a safe environment cannot be created, then the pattern is carried into the next generation, and the next, a sometimes deadly gift that keeps on giving.

If Europeans think they have a problem now with the influx for all the war-displaced people, they haven’t seen the beginning of the next crisis yet: all those traumatized kids growing up into adults in new environments where they are not wanted. My advice to high school graduates in Europe: become a trauma therapist. And so I find myself coming back to my professional/educational roots, which was family systems therapy and child development.