Sylvia's Journal

Some weeks ago, I decided to offer complimentary services to teams that are now working in a high stress new normal. I made the offer to ex-colleagues who have moved on to other places of work and now are members of teams that don’t have a lot of practice talking about their feelings. I have done five sessions since then with four different teams working in the private for-profit sector, the private non-profit sector and the public sector.

As with any move we make towards others, they may not be entirely altruistic. In my offer were also some more self-serving motives.

For one, knowing that team coaching is on the rise, I figured that these experiences would give me something to experience and learn from, and I did. I am a member of a team coaching network that gets together periodically. The experiences gave me something to bring into the conversations.  With that, the selfish turned back into altruistic.

I also reasoned that, if the teams appreciated these sessions, maybe they would hire me in the future. In fact, one did offer to pay me but I declined, at least for now. Still, there is this hope.

I know in my reasoned brain that real thankfulness and gratitude do not require a response, but the brain cells in my heart keep jumping up and down waiting for that gushing response, oh, that was wonderful what you did, we want more of that (so I can be more generous again). 

But the reactions didn’t come, not positive, not negative, just none. And in that nothingness I find myself wanting. Any feedback, even if the session was a waste of time, is better than my guessing, which leaves nothing to learn or improve.  The vacuum leaves too much room for making up stories.

I am coaching someone who is missing feedback from her peers and boss about her performance and they way she works in the team, her style, but there is none. I can so empathize with her now. Some of my teachers would say, well, there you go, this experience needed to be experienced by you to be a better coach. I hope so.