Sylvia's Journal

Today has turned out to be a day of still and slow – something I had not expected when I woke up this morning. I thought that everything would be conspiring against slow. We had a lot to do to prepare our home for yet another home exchange that starts tomorrow. Most of the work of these exchanges is the removal of clutter. As it turned out, it was the mental decluttering that happened. Several unrelated experiences conspired towards slow and still. I finally saw how the strands came together. It produced an urge to write.

First, I watched Dr. Paul Lam’s video of the Sun Tai Chi form he adapted especially for people with arthritis. He himself was diagnosed with arthritis in his teens. Attenuating the effects of arthritis became his life’s purpose and journey. He has created a movement complete with swag such as plastic wristbands, pins, shirts, badges and more in addition to countless videos and online streaming opportunities.  I have been practicing this form of Tai Chi through a library program that started in the middle of the pandemic. Our teacher offered the classes free to the community, first on Zoom, and finally live at the library green or in the Community Center. Dr. Lam recommends practicing every morning for at least 30 minutes. With my once-a-week practice it is no wonder that, after two years, I am still making many mistakes. And so, this morning, I decided to watch him for free on YouTube and wondered whether I should buy his DVD. That would also mean buying a DVD player for my MacBook just when I had decided to reduce acquiring more stuff.

Dr. Lam’s movement are slower than what we practice. I could see the benefit: there is more balancing (ever so slightly) on one leg, and the stretched muscles have a moment to settle, even if it is for a few seconds. Slow and steady indeed.

I then did my morning meditation which is done through an app of a 7-week coaching program that starts tomorrow on Positive Intelligence. From what I have gleaned so far, the program focuses on two main things: recognizing the parts of oneself that sabotage one’s efforts towards a happy and fulfilling life (especially His Majesty the Judge, assisted by several saboteurs) and our wiser self, the Sage, that doesn’t get triggered and/or move into judging mode. The judge and his saboteur cronies may make us feel good and be helpful in the short run, but never in the long run. The meditations that are part and parcel of the program are about body awareness, and the cultivation of a sense of presence to replace common tendencies to either live in the past (thinking about what is done or should have been done and other regrets) or the future (plans, things to do). The meditations are slow, mindful, and manage to still my perpetually busy mind. Slow and steady indeed. 

The quiet and stillness of watching Dr. Lam and my morning meditation was quickly undone by a long list of unread emails. As if to call out to stay on the path of slow and still, one of the emails contained a link to a remarkable blogpost (Barefoot). I brought me back to still and slow again. The midday meditation anchored me even more in still and slow.

One of my goals for today is (or was, more likely) to finish reading a new book, titled ‘An Invitation to Quaker Eldering.’ As Clerk of our local Quaker meeting, I feel the need to understand the idea of eldering better, and learn how anyone can ‘grow’ into eldering. Several Quaker Elders describe their experiences as Elders, including the authors of the book, who managed to put into words the great mystery of spiritual formation.  They write, “The [spiritual] formation may be a slow process, and it may be hidden from us. There may also be the equivalent of sudden growth spurts. Sometimes we are formed on a noticeably bumpy path, which may involve finding ourselves in the refiner’s fire (Malachi 3:2), submitting to burning away of that which inhabits the fullness of God’s spirit within. It is yielding as clay to the potter’s hand. (page 37). 

Burning away, another metaphor for decluttering. My reading of the book is slow, but not of the ‘slow-and-steady’ kind. Rather it is slow because I am constantly interrupted by mind chatter, to do lists and seeing the clutter around me that needs to be removed. All this gets in the way of the kind of deep dive reading of the book that I would prefer over a fast skim through. 

The feeling of getting rid of stuff that gets in the way of quiet, still, slow and steady is liberating and makes me want to believe that one day I can summon still, quiet,  and uncluttered at will.