An ambulance will take Axel tomorrow to Shaughnessy-Kaplan Rehabilitation Hospital in Salem. We are thrilled to have him closer by and starting this new phase in his recovery. He called me with the good news and was in great spirits. He did more sitting and standing up today and obviously did well enough to make this decision. Stay tuned.
Archive for the 'Home' Category
Last night I went to bed at 8 PM ‘in pieces.’ The VNA nurse had already told me that my body is still in shock and I think last night it went ‘out of shock’ for a moment. Every cell, bone and muscle hurt and I preferred to get back to the ‘in shock’ state. I think I said something like ‘I feel like I have been in a wreck.’ Thanks to chemicals for better living I fell into a long dopey sleep. It stopped the pain and the tears.
I feel better now. They aches continue of course but they are manageable even though I am at the end of my dopey night.
Yesterday I finished my first book since the accident (Stormy Weather by Carl Hiaasen) that Ann Buxbaum brought me early last week. I remember seeing the size of the book and thinking I could never finish a book like that. But I did and it was just the right book. In the meantime Sita’s friend Jenny who is an editor sent me a stack of her books and I am enjoying the anticipation of my next good read.
As you have already seen in earlier writings, small things have become huge accomplishments, paying bills, renewing the car registration online, transferring car insurance from us (not going to be driving for some time) to our daughters and sons-in law, etc. all these are reasons for celebration (who’d have thunk).
I am pecking away at the food that is still flooding in and am now helped by a few hungry young folks who are working hard on my comfort and deserve good meals. I am thrilled that Birgit’s recipe for Gazpacho from Beirut that appeared in the guest book has been transformed into real gazpacho by Diane and was dropped off yesterday afternoon.
I also had my first experience of Jewish comfort food: Kugel and Matzoh ball soup (AS Ann Lassman wrote us ‘better than WASP comfort food like fluffernutter.’) I totally agree, it was just what the doctor prescribed. We are trying to get some to Axel.
I talked many time to Axel yesterday and he had a good day except at the end when the physical therapist tried to stand him up. That was painful and discouraging and a clear indication of the next challenge for him. These talks buoy me but also make me miss him terribly.
Thanks to all of you who visited Axel and who got a peek at the reality of his current condition. It will help see the progress later on.
Joe Sterling arrived in the middle of the night from San Diego, which means we have a new caretaker on our team. As always, Sita and Tessa and their wonderful men are making up a thousandfold for the trials and tribulations of their teenage years. Pay back accomplished, enough already! I am so totally awed by them.
A request to my Dutch readers:
ik drink liters zoethout thee (koud) per dag en krijg zo genoeg water naar binnen, maar de zoethout thee zakjes zijn bijna op. Kan iemand ons wat (AH) zoethout thee opsturen? het is hier niet makkelijk te krijgen.
En de Texelse schapen voeten creme die ik indertijd met Sietske op de geitenboerderij in het Amsterdamse Bos kocht wordt dagelijks gebruikt voor Axel’s voeten en is nu ook bijna op. Voordat Tessa zoekt naar iets soortgelijks hier, laat even horen of iemand dit kan opsturen.
Onwards, forward, where else?
s
It is Thursday morning. I know this because nurse Sita faithfully changes my ‘headboard’ – the flipchart that indicates my care takers: RN = Sita, PCA=Tessa and still MD=Dr. Potato. My faithful team. There were others yesterday: Sook spent a good chunk of the day with me, bringing a delicious lunch. We went on a fieldtrip as Sita already indicated: an exploration of the two wheelchair accessible showers in our two neighbors’ houses. You might think that for someone like me that would be a boring or insignificant trip. To the contrary! Sook and I had a very nice time with the Kneissels and I am looking forward to my first real shower at Jackie Hooper’s or the Kneissel’s today. Thanks so much.
More food showed up with Carol and Suzie and we started eating some of the harvest goodies Mary Scofield left by the door the other day.
Un update on the garden indicated that the squash is growing quite large and little pattypan squash looks like a flying saucer. Other than some minor weeding, Sook says the garden looks great. Remember to swing by and pick some lettuce or spinach or whatnot.
I was relieved to get good news from Axel yesterday. We talked a few times. And maybe it was this relief with the overwhelming outpouring of love, support, meals that made the tears come more than once yesterday. They just begin to flow. Sita and I sat, holding hands, no words needed.
Our experimentation with the pain medecine appears to be working. I had a more or less painless night and could manage with the Oxycontin only, not needing the percoset to get through some rough spots, of course I felt very drugged, which is OK at night.
I had a long conversation with Joan, yesterday morning, urging her or her kids or Morsi to update the journal as well about her status. All it requires is to sign into the site as an author and use my last name as a password. Alison, I know you visited her recently, maybe you can say a few words about her progress and her state of mind. There are plenty of people checking into this site daily who know her as well.
Today’s highlights are Joe’s arrival from San Diego, progress reports, hopefully, from Worcester and more fading of the bruises on my body.
cheers
s
It is Wednesday morning. What happened to the speed of days? They used to go so fast and now all has slowed down. The slowing down started that fateful afternoon at Gardner airport now 10 days ago. Although some of the details are still eluding me – or rather I can’t understand them – when I tried to pull up again, knowing that I was running out of runway, I remember clearly the moment of losing control of the plane. But there was no panic or frantic trying to save the day that followed, but rather a total quiet and a sense of complete surrender. Of course it couldn’t have been quiet with the stall horn beeping, and the motor running louder and faster as we headed down, the branches breaking and all that. Fortunately, after the surrender I blacked out and cannot remember a thing, no sound, no falling, no bump. I think I woke up after Joan. From the WBZ news clip I learned that a woman held Joan’s hand and talked with her. I think I was still out then as I do no remember this.
When I came to my senses the rescuers were already there. I just remember seeing boots everywhere, people directing efforts, big loud machines cutting things away that kept us entrapped and throughout Axel’s and Joan’s calls for help. Through my dazed state I remember registering that this meant they were alive. In the background, through the forest of legs, machinery and plane wreckage, I could see Morsi, busy pushing large amounts of love and prayers our way and I remember absorbing it, his presence so reassuring.
I still can’t write about the botched landing itself, other than that the landing conditions (runway heading and wind) had changed after my previous three successful landings. I tried to apply what I had learned and practiced for so long. But the time for decision making is infinitely short as the evaluation of options has to happen in nanoseconds – this is where experience comes in of course. I am now one experience ‘richer’ that will definitely make me a better pilot. Of that I am sure, bought at a heavy price, but there it is.
So, I am going to get back in a plane as soon as I can. I don’t expect anyone to want to fly with me anymore. And for those, like Alison, who have said they’d fly again with me (I am very moved by this), make sure you have health insurance, otherwise I counsel you to stay on the ground. I am thanking my lucky stars (again and again) for being employed and insured. It will make the recovery so much easier.
Early morning, another entry about the same day but now seen from Lobster Cove. The Reiki, prayers, love you are all sending (as well as the food) are working their magic.
I am reading Sita’s and Tessa’s entries about the 23rd as well and they make me cry. The tears are beginning to come more frequently now – it is as if they were dried up or sitting in shock in some part of my body that could not figure out how to release them.
Sita’s fast exit to Worcester yesterday morning was of course very distressing. But Anne Dodge seamlessly took over and we had a pretty good day. The Visiting Nurse Association network folks showed up, first Regina, a wonderful intake nurse who pointed out some other main management options, and put in a request from a home health aid to releave Sita a couple of times a week. Then Robert the physical therapist. PT can’t do much now with me as long as I have to keep my weight off my right leg and my right shoulder is still hurting. I am alternating wheelchair and walker day by day to let the right upper part of my body heal. Right now I have all the colors of the rainbow going from my right hip to my right elbow, right chest.
For the first time my right foot is hurting against the cast. It feels like raw/sore/tender skin being grinded into hard plaster. Of course I can’t move anything inside the cast and when the pain medication isn’t doing its work I try the breathing exercises I learned in yoga a long time ago. This has served me well throughout the ordeal, from the moment I opened my eyes at the crash site and anytime the pain takes over my whole consciousness.
Two more angels, Debbie Hinds and Edith Maxwell, walked in with meals yesterday and it required the eye of a puzzler to fit everything into the refrigerator. Edith stayed with Anne and me for dinner and we watched the Corporate Trainer episode from the (British) Office, an episode the Buxbaums introduced me to years ago and which I have watched countless time ever since. It was fun to watch it with Anne who is also a trainer. Anne also brought a 500 piece puzzle and we completed the edges before I collapsed from tiredness. For me puzzles have always been associated with wintersport vacations in the mountains (in the US or Europe as child) and only the crackling fire was missing.
Sita returned home around 11 PM, exhausted but in good spirits as you can read from her update on Axel. We are off today to Worcester, a long trip I am dreading a bit but a reunion I am very much looking forward to.
More later
Cheers
s
As we are branching off into different treatment scenarios, updates now coming from three different sites. Tessa wrote about Axel early this morning.
Yesterday morning I talked with Joan who is at Spaulding Rehab in Boston and getting a work out. She is using visualization to help her out of her bed, chair and the to the end of the hallway. Go girl!!
It is a dreary day at Lobster Cove. I am inside today. Yesterday Sita wheeled me out into the yard in the sun and we sat and ate raspberries brought by her friend Brian.
Katie Blair ‘mommy sat’ in the morning so Sita could take care of some other things. Although I won’t be able to see this myself, KB also helped various fruits and vegetables to grow properly upward.
And once again, when we need something, the universe provides. Last night when Jim asked what we should have for dinner, in walked Carol with an extraordinary mediterannean chicken dish, while we were still nibbling on her exquisite pickled beans.
The VNA nurse came by today and helped Sita and me sort out my pain medication regimen which isn’t quite working the way it should. Tomorrow I have to go back to the trauma clinic in Worcester and that will be an occasion to see Axel (whose surgery has been postponed until some psychiatric and neurological glitches have been sorted out).
In a couple of hours I start my physical therapy at home. News from the bowel front is good for those of you who want to know. Nurse Sita and Personal Care Assistant Anne Dodge are keeping me from racing too fast around the kitchen, and as for Dr. Potato, he hasn’t shown up yet, maybe for lunch.
Cheers
s
This morning I enter a new phase in my recovery process and am sitting here looking out over Lobster Cove.Sita turned what used to be my home office into a lovely sitting/bedroom. Little touches like a “Why am I here” button that I had made for a Kenyan district health leadership program some years ago. Ummuro and Joan will remember. Sita thought it fit I go to sleep under that question. And I did.
I woke up under the gaze of the ancestors, a wall in my room that is covered with family pictures that go back at least a 100 years.. Some people who know about such matters, said there had been some strong (very strong) spirits hovering around us and I wonder if my mom is one of them.
As Tessa wrote, the goodbye to Axel was very difficult for all of us. Unlike the other happy patients who were wheeled home, we left in tears.
We made the transfer back home in goodtime, and thanks to Tessa’s skills and the good graces of the CVS staff in Beverly, I arrived just before the next pain pills were due. It wass wonderful to sleep at home.
I have caught up reading all the caringbridge comments and am undescribably grateful for all your words, deeds, prayers and love. The scabs falling of, the fading of the brilliant bruise colors and the improvements in my (everyone’s) movements are all signs that we are reciving what you are sending us.
I feel so blessed with all the good things that have come our way, especially this last week.Most amazing are the management and leadership skills (sorry, can’t help myself) of our daughters. Sita and Tessa are every parent’s dream come true.
Signing off for now with deep gratitude to all and everything.
s
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