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Holiday two

We had hired Ravi, a friend of  Regi, a third generation Indian who took Axel around KL one morning while I was still working. Ravi  is also of the third generation, but he ancestors came from Sri Lanka. Ravi took us to Melaka, a place I insisted on seeing even though it is now a tourist trap. Melaka is tied up closely with Dutch history. I had read about my forefathers (and a few unlucky foremothers) who traveled to this part of the world from 1600 onwards. Many died young, in the prime of their life or in childbirth, as did many of their children. This wasn’t an easy climate for the Dutch and they had little resistance to the diseases common here.

We looked at their enormous tombstones which had been lifted from the church floor and stood side by side against the remaining walls of the original Portuguese church.  “hier leyt…” said many, describing the person who was remembered. Later in the museum (the old ‘Stadthuys’ which means town hall in Dutch), we looked at the painted scenes that described how Melaka went from a small village inhabited by forest peoples who lived from the land, the sea and piracy, to the current modern city that lives for a good part from the tourist trade, oil and the technology industry.

Downstairs life size bronze statues represented the various conquerors in front of their flags. Upstairs the various eras (Portuguese, Belanda (=Dutch), British and, Japanese) had their own room with artifacts from that time.  Judging from what I saw in Melaka and what I known from history taught to Dutch school children in the 50s (I was 5 when Malaysia became independent), this has always been a place of great suffering. A suffering that was born out of greed and intolerance. Now it seems peaceful although we figured from Ravi’s explanations that there are dangerous undercurrents here. The surface tolerance between the ethnic and religious groups is paper thin. Below it are the same drgaons of greed and intolerance that are ready to rear their ugly heads.

Ravi took us to the water’s edge so that I could wade my kakies (=feet in Malay, a word that has crept into the Dutch language) in the (in)famous Malaccan Straits waters.  A lovely mosquee was built on stilts and open to visitors, even to foreign Christian women as long as they put on long satiny gown with pink and blue flowers and a baby blue stretchy kind of tube to put one’ head through, leaving only the front of our face visible. All nylong and polyester, the gear left me sweating profusely, but it allowed me to wander around the sacred space, anonymously.

An entire section of town near the old docks had been remodeled and expanded with fancy condos, but them something happened. Nobody lives there and the buildings are falling into disrepair. The large billboards with pictures of beautiful smiling couples clinking their champagne glasses and reclining on fancy furniture are the only remnants of the developers’ visions. The Muslim Malay  (and foreigners, read: Arabs) were not able to pull off the development without the Chinese who refused to be part of this in a subordinate position.  We learned all this from Ravi whose opinions are colored by his own prejudices that were dripping into the conversations. As a Sri Lankan he can never be a ‘bumiputra’ Malay (derived from Sanskrit meaning ‘sons of the soil’.) He will always be a second class citizen. It is a bit like townies in Manchester, except in Manchester we have the same rights – this is not the case here. At any rate, the stalled and mildewy developments reminded me of a similar failed dream on the outskirts of Karachi – that one stalled when the housing prices in Dubai hit rock bottom and people lost a lot of money.

The roundtrip KL-Melaka took nearly 6 hours which meant that we missed both the high tea and the cocktail hour when we came back to our fancy hotel. We were too tired to go out and spent an extravagant amount on dinner because we didn’t understand the arrangement with wines that came out of a machine. Beware of wines that come out of a machine!

30 years

Thirty years ago a literary society was founded (some claim it was merely a drinking society) by people who had been my colleagues only a few months earlier, before Axel, Sita and I left New York for Massachusetts.

The society was named after a writer who didn’t quite make it into the world’s collective consciousness but got her book jacket up on the wall at one of New York City’s surviving speakeasies. Alas, the speakeasy, stuck in some real estate transaction limbo, may not survive but the society that was founded in 1983 is still going strong, with deep friendships at its base.

Over the years the membership has expanded and we count about 14 or so at each annual meeting. Food, wine and readings are part of our ritual, pairing the latter two a particular skill that some of us possess. In between tapas and the paella, Axel expertly chaired the raucous group through the agenda of our 30th Annual General Meeting, AGM. About half of the time was spent on determining the locus of our 31st AGM, with Manchester, Cape Cod, Maine and Southern France as candidates. The decision will be left to a committee which is not as strict as the committee that determines the next Olympics, but we have sites for about the next 7 years out.

Earlier in the day we walked, as one does in NYC, for miles along the spectacular Brooklyn Harborwalk and the High Line, a New York Style canopy walk along the old railroad tracks along the west side. It was good I had brought my orthopedic boot (now christened my booda) along which allowed me to participate in the entire length without pain. I now realize that I do have a third option for the ankle again that doesn’t require surgery: my booda. We shall see next week, after my fourth second opinion, what final decision emerges.

And now it is bagel time, warm, fresh bagels, good coffee, the New York Times and good company, all immersed in this Sunday morning NY ritual.

Out of the woods

The classes are over. Axel has to show something for it: two etched plates, one with an oak leaf and one with clouds, plus several passes of prints. I have nothing to show for my classes (I forgot to pick up my certificate) except 7 pages of scribbles, some new brain circuitry not visible to the naked eye and two business cards of women I may want to see again, one a judge in western Massachusetts and the other in charge of learning and OD at the Board of Governors of the FRB.

We kayaked twice, I biked every day, we had fish every day, and we slept so-so every night, had rain three of the 6 nights and one and a half days out of our six and a half days of camping. I think it may not have been the last time. Next year I may want to take an art class too.

We broke camp on Friday morning before the rain and before classes, leaving the big tarp up to keep the rest of our belongings dry. At 2:30 we had packed every remaining piece of gear and equipment and were on the road to New York City.

At 3:15 PM we were off the Cape, over the Sagamore Bridge. At 4:30 we were at the Bourne Bridge, a mere 2.8 miles from the Sagamore Bridge. We had wanted to be in NYC for a 8:30 dinner but our GPS indicated that now we’d arrive at 9:30. The trip that should have taken about five and a half hours took us more than 8 hours. Knowing we’d miss dinner in Brooklyn Heights we stopped at a Fusion restaurant somewhere in CT, that had advertised itself as ‘fabulous décor, good cheap food,’ with lots of positive reviews.

Naively we stopped (as naively has having taken route MA 6 West that stopped us in our tracks) and had dinner. The fruit, non-descript soup and crab legs were OK, nothing much to go wrong on, but Axel was more adventurous and came to regret it soon after we got back on the road.

We entered NYC in the rain but then all our worries were over. We even found a parking spot around the corner of our host, and all was well again. The Zugmsith Society’s 30th reunion was in full swing.

Dynamic seeds

Memories of my early professional training came rushing in after my first day at the Cape Cod Institute where I am attending a class on ‘covert processes in organizations,’ taught by Bob Marshak from American University. Part of the appeal of the class is the topic (overt) and part is the people who go there, the duration (only in the morning) and the phenomenal breakfast served at 10:20 AM (covert).

Two other classes are taught at the same time. During the break I mingled with two psychotherapists attending a class on therapy of children. One of them was trained some 40 years ago in a new-fangled area of research called family systems dynamics, taught by a man named Minuchkin. I did an internship at that time – mid seventies – still a psychologist in training, at a psychiatric clinic in Leiden which was experimenting with cutting edge therapies. Minuchkin was one of the people we had to study. Family systems dynamics was very new, very exciting and very American.

I remember sitting behind a one way screen with another student and a mentor, watching an intake conversation with a family that had a black sheep, a young boy, who needed to be fixed. I think it is there that my fascination with group dynamics started.

But then I married, moved to Beirut and that was the end of my family systems therapy dreams. Yet also a stepping stone to my international career that bent around to organizational systems (therapy) over the next 40 years.

Camp

Within less than 24 hours after my arrival at Logan airport we were stuck amidst 1000s of other holiday makers on their way to Cape Cod. Vacation rentals go from Saturday to Saturday which makes for much congestion on the two and one lane roads in and out of Cape Cod. We had taken the station wagon which is old. Its airco doesn’t work and it has a stick shift I can’t really work because of my ankle. Stick shifts and being stuck in traffic, on a hot day can be pretty awful. Luckily I was in the company of my best friend and we had two weeks of talking to catch up with.

At the Audubon campsite in Wellfleet we checked in 45 minutes before closing time. We picked one of the few remaining sites not paying attention to signs of water runoff and pitched our borrowed tent on a flat surface without too many pine cones and sticks.

Dinner consisted of scallops and leftovers from the Manchester fridge. Axel had to do the dishes as I claimed jetlag and retired. And then the rains started, slow pitter patter in the early morning and then buckets and buckets for a few hours. Our poor camp making skills showed instantly with water running under the tent and the tarp hung up the wrong way which made for periodic dumpings of huge amounts of water which then found its way to the lowest point of our site.

I had also slept very poorly on our thin camping mattress and decided that this may well be the last time camping. Luckily I am reading a great book and I found a small section of the picnic table that was dry enough for sinking into the book and ignoring my surroundings. Things had gone from damp to wet to soaked in a matter of hours.

Alison had invited us over for brunch in her North Truro apartment which made for a nice (and dry) diversion, good food that was cooked for us, dishes cleaned up, and of course great company. By the time we left Truro summer had returned and our wet things in the car had steamed up all windows.

We sorted out where Axel had to be for his printmaking class on Monday, bought his supplies, and the ingredients for a meal that didn’t require a stove since Axel’s ancient camping stove had stopped working when we had wanted our second cup of coffee in the morning.

Once again he did the dishes (last time, he threatened) while I retired early again, still claiming jetlag (avoiding the dishes a nice benefit). This time we had added Steve and Tessa’s camping mattresses underneath ours which made all the difference. When I woke up this morning I was well rested and the sun was out. I think I like camping again.


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