Archive Page 57

Behind functions and roles

Our MSH party at Lobster Cove finally happened, on the most beautiful day of the fall; the kind of day we call ‘a ten plus.’ But few people showed up. It was Columbus Day weekend; a long weekend for some, which many celebrate by going to the mountains of New Hampshire and Vermont, for a hike in the orange, red and golden woods.

Those who sat in the shade warmed themselves around a fire pit while others sat on the beach in their summer clothes, watching small kids play in the water, seemingly unaware of the water temperature. Axel was the only adult in swim gear and who got wet; he was too good a target for the four year olds with their buckets, and already wet.

I had hoped to bring MSHers together and recognize that we are more than the official functions and roles we play in the organization.  Being in flux, reorganizing, laying off and hiring has left many of my colleagues (and sometimes myself) quite vulnerable. This kind of vulnerability is easily transformed into judging and blaming, black and white kinds of distinctions, dividing lines splitting us into good people and bad people, those who are competent and those who are not. These judgments are harsh, like rubbing sandpaper on bare skin. When I first proposed to open our house/yard and beach to everyone in our Medford office, the offer was greeted with great enthusiasm, more than forty people signed up. People agreed that we needed to relax together and re-discover each other, the person behind the role; the mother of small kids, the wife, the husband or lover, the grandma or auntie. But then there was a hurricane and we postponed by a week. We did get to see some aunties and grandmas and moms and husbands, and it was good. But I would have liked to see some more as I don’t think the outing to Lobster Cove will make much of a difference.

Zendagi (life)

Axel has an enormous collection of Indian music in addition to a bunch of Indian playlists on Spotify. Only on the mornings when I stay home do I get to listen to them. I like the Indian music, especially the peppy songs. I can imagine the music videos that one could make with that music.

But this morning, before heading out to his yoga class he put on very mournful Indian music. I recognize some of the Hindi words that probably come from Persian, and which I learned in my Dari classes; words, like zendagi (life) and hamkara (colleagues).

The combination of these words and the mournfulness of the music make me think of M. whose young son died about a month ago, after we came back from Maine. I talked with her before we went to Maine and she was bored in her new life in Amman, waiting anxiously for her two boys to be back in school. Their school in Afghanistan had closed more than half a year before because of threats and the boys had been climbing up the walls, until they left for Amman. And now this; zendagi, life, and then it is gone, suddenly. I have only electronic means to comfort her but it doesn’t work. I don’t think there is room for electronics in her grief. I remain a very sad bystander.

And then there was P, whose wedding I attended in Kerala in 2010 and who was going to have a baby about the same time that Saffi was born. But she died at the start of this year due to an ectopic pregnancy and life ended, for P and her baby to be. My friend, her mother in law, posted pictures on facebook of the happy couple and my heart broke. It’s breaking over and over again as this Indian music tells about other lives that ended long before old age took over, and of the grief stricken survivors. As a Quaker, we are using language such as ‘holding people in the light,’ the ones who have gone and the ones who are still here. Sometimes I wonder, does this light thing actually touch people they way I would like it to?

Disquiring

We are trying to unclutter our house. I emphasize the word trying because we are not very successful. For every book we get rid of, two new ones appear. This morning I threw out sauce packets that may well date back to our time in Beirut (1976-1978) or Senegal (1979-1981) or New York (1981-1983). I want to avoid that, after we have passed on, our children and their friends who are cleaning up our house make fun of us.

I also found two camping meals, dried up spaghetti and lasagna that must be at least 15 years old. Axel wants to try them. I should have thrown them out before he woke up.

We ought to be in a stage of our lives where we disquire rather than acquire but we are failing hopelessly. I sorted through my clothes a year ago, ashamed of how much we have compared with people who have nothing. I remember visiting houses in one of Dhaka’s poor urban neighborhoods. People have no closets – they have bars tacked to the wall of their hut and they hang their one or two outfits over those bars. Or, closer to home, the Shaker village of West Gloucester in Maine where one hangs one’s clothes on pegs on the wall.

That year ago I had put clothes I never wear in a paper bag. I could not bring myself to dump the bags in one of the containers for recycled clothing and instead put them somewhere out of sight in my office. When my office got too cluttered I found the bags, unpacked them, ironed the crinkled clothes and put them back on hangers. Sigh.

Fall

In a week we dropped nearly 30 degrees (Fahrenheit). If last weekend was a 10+, this weekend looks like a 3-.  We had planned an MSH outing to Lobster Cove this weekend. We had picnics, swimming and playing in the water in mind, but the weather did not cooperate. We had to cancel it and postponed it to next week. I fear we were too late; fall is here.

I finished the Aran sweater I have worked on in Maine and in planes. It turned out to be Axel’s size. I am a loose knitter and should have followed the instructions for the smallest size. Axel declined. It’s a girl’s sweater. And so I took it apart again, shortening the sleeves and fudging with the width, using a sewing machine. A little frustrating but I am not ready to unravel the whole thing and start over.

I am in between assignments at work and cobbling together odd jobs to earn my salary and overhead for the company. This includes small writing assignments which I can do from home. I can work well at home, have the discipline, and love that I can stay in my pajamas if the weather is lousy.

Every now and then we join Sita and her family on Facetime and see Saffi grow. She is in her third month now, smiles a lot and is becoming a little person in her own right, rather than just a baby. Faro looks huge next to her.

We also talk with Tessa now and then, getting updates on her babies, the chickens. They are a source of many good stories. These are about findings stashes of eggs (some already rotten) in surprising places, a swimmer among the chicks, a predator in the neighborhood (a bear? A wolf? A coyote?) that leaves feathers and bones and relationships with the dogs. It’s a tale of …and then there were 11, then 10, then a new cohort, then fights of dominance among the new and the old chickens. It is quite a drama and Tessa appears to love it, telling the stories with flair. It seems to me a good distraction, though sometimes too much, from her endless hours in front of her computer screen.

Blissfully home

2015-09-27 19.36.57 2015-09-27 13.24.15 2015-09-27 18.18.56September is one of my favorite months. I arrived back in Boston under blue skies and a perfect temperature. When we arrived home I put on my bathing suit and went for a swim. After that we sat on the beach, Axel was experimenting with water color mixing and I finished the final row of the second sleeve of my Aran cardigan that I started  in Maine. Long airplane rides are perfect for knitting, especially when accompanied by a great book. The latter was Atul Gawande’s ‘Being Mortal.’ I finished both the book and the sweater. Now comes the blocking and assembly. I hope that I have just enough yarn to finish the neck.

I had a quick Skype call with a team in Brasilia that is starting a event that is similar to the one I just finished in Kinshasa. I passed on the lessons I had learned and wished them well. I returned to the beach which had gotten a lot bigger with the tide was going out. Since tonight is one of the highest high tides of the entire year (12.2 feet), we also witnessed one of the lowest low tides. The cove was nearly completely empty. We checked the mussel population (still disappointing) and scooped up several dozen large oysters. They have settled in well. Five years ago we marveled over the occasional tiny oyster and now there are hundreds of them, including some very large ones.

We had a dinner made entirely from things we caught or grew: a leek, squash and eggplant stir fry, home fries from our giant potatoes and oysters. Only the wine was imported. It was a blissful end of a trip and a blissful beginning of my next intermezzo at Lobster Cove before I head out again on dates unknown. Facetime with the kids and grandkids put the finishing touches on a wonderful homecoming.

I missed the lunar eclipse. After a trip that took about 30 hours door to door, eight o’clock was a sensible bed time for me.

Just trying

We stayed in a comfortable hotel, with good beds, a pretty good kitchen and a shower that worked exactly as intended. My ride from the airport, to our training center each day and then to the airport again was easy and rather painless, considering Kinshasa’s traffic reputation.  Things worked as good, or better than in most other African cities I have visited recently.  I was spared all these experiences fellow travelers to the DRC complain about. I guess I was lucky. But on my way to the airport I got a glimpse of that other Kinshasa.

Just before we were supposed to leave with two physical therapists who were heading home to Lubumbashi, my colleague M who hands out per diem was called out of her room to sort out a problem with paying the bill. Then I got to see the effects of our per diem policies: we give people several hundred dollars to cover their expenses: meals, laundry, drinks and incidentals. It was probably a month salary if not more, and all that given in hard currency. Everyone went on a shopping spree. Then, when the hotel presented one of them with her bill of nearly 200 dollars there was panic. She didn’t have that money and was looking expectantly at my colleague M. to sort it out. I told M to remover herself from the scene as it was not her problem. Besides, the Congolese are very good at ‘se debrouiller’ a wonderful French term that basically means ‘figure it out.’ It took a good 45 minutes for things to be sorted out, eventually with the help of a friend who had come to the rescue. Even then, already past departure time, there was a disputed laundry charge. I vowed never to share an airport ride with local folks who haven’t paid their bill. And then, when we were ready to leave the other fellow traveler had wandered off. It was good we had calculated a large safety margin to get to the airport.

On the road we were stopped by two policemen in orange vests and the words ‘Police’ written on their caps and uniform. One walked over to the driver’s side and demanded that our driver open the window. The policeman indicated with his hands that he wanted to see the driver’s papers. I am glad I was not driving as I would have rolled down the window – I learned early in life to obey people in uniform, or else dire consequences await me. But our driver completely ignored the policeman, staring straight ahead as if he wasn’t there. Then the policeman started knocking on the window but our driver kept looking straight ahead, waiting for the lights to change; and when they did, he pulled away. To my surprise there was no angry reaction from the policemen. They probably stopped another car and tried again. I suppose this is how they supplement their no doubt meager police salary. Just trying, I suppose.

Traffic on the busy congested road is like a modern ballet of cars. There are no lanes, although the occasional mid-road barrier does create some left/right traffic order. But 180 degree turns across the length of the road are common and all the sides of busses and camions are scratched and dented. Our driver expertly wove in and out, making swift turns to occupy any small opening and crawl forward.

The last few miles to the airport is different: a six-lane highway with very little traffic; beautiful empty sidewalks, sun-powered lights and no sign of the petit commerce, the little stalls, shops, moto-taxis and pushcarts that fill the sides of the earlier section of the airport road – I assume it is banned in this modern part of the city. I could have been in the US. I suppose it is possible to modernize roads but it looks weird; soulless and cold, uninviting, un-Congolese. The airport is also brand new; yet the architects forgot about electrical outlets and Wi-Fi. One wonders how this is possible in a country that runs on cell-phones?

There are taxes to be paid at the airport. I know the drill: 50 dollars for this and 5 dollars for that. But the clerk asked for another 20 dollars. He used some complicated reasoning when I asked him how that figured into the 55 dollars I had already paid. The taxes are in Congolese francs, he said, and because of the exchange rate I had to pay more. Yet the receipt was in dollars. Luckily I knew the exchange rate, 900 francs to the dollar; for an extra 500 Congolese francs (= a little more than 50 US cents) he wanted 20 dollars. He told me he was patient and could wait for me to fork over what had, in the meantime, become 10 dollars. It was his bad luck that I was also patient and could wait as my flight wasn’t leaving for another 3 hours. When I mentioned to him that we were really talking about half a dollar he accepted my single dollar bill, stamped my receipts and I was cleared. It was a win-win of sorts: I paid and had my receipts for the 55 dollar taxes and kept 19 of my 20 dollars, he pocketed 50 US cents, and we both stayed within the laws of the land. Not as much as he had hoped, but still – these ‘tips’ can add up I imagine, with hundreds of foreigners coming through in a day. Just trying may be worth the risk of getting caught, if such a risk exists.

The airline employee who checked in a passenger next to me also accepted a handshake containing some bills– for what, I wondered? An upgrade? After the transaction she checked the bills and, showing no sign of surprise or disappointment, slipped them into her uniform pocket. I wondered what the take was after checking in several hundred passengers each day, and whether business class would be full.

By the time I arrived in Kinshasa the technical training was done and the capacity and coalition building began: for one day representatives from relevant government agencies, organizations of disabled people, local NGOs and representations from international NGOs and donor agencies came together to learn about the importance of appropriate wheelchairs and start thinking about how to get policies and supporters in place to advance the (signed and ratified but not implemented)  UN Convention on the Rights of People with Disabilities here in the DRC.

The last two days of my short visit were dedicated to imparting the principles and practices of managing a rehab center where wheelchair services are either already provided or will soon be provided. The purpose was to make sure that these centers would run according to the international standards for such a service as developed by WHO. We co-trained with Congolese colleagues who are also in the senior leadership program that we work on with Yale University in parallel. They were fabulous and much better than us, foreigners for obvious reasons – they know the context, they have years of experience running a rehab center, they are trained in proper wheelchair fitting and they are passionate about advancing the agenda of wheelchair provision in the DRC. I told them they could run this program on their own, without outsiders, and I meant it.  Not only did they know their stuff, they also managed the sessions within the prescribed time; the participants were also very disciplined, a good start for a management training. Each day we started and ended exactly as planned. This doesn’t happen very often in my experience; and here we were in the DRC!

Changed lives

I joined my colleagues around dinner time, straight in from the airport of Kinshasa. I arrived just in time to say hi and bye to two physical therapists from Zimbabwe and Kenya who had accompanied the advanced training in wheelchair fitting. They were leaving, tired and content. I would have been too if I had so directly changed the lives of several families with severely disabled children and some adults as well by providing them with a chair with all the supports to let that would allow them to participate a little more in ordinary life.  One boy of about 9 with cerebral palsy spent most of his waking hours in a room; and because he couldn’t sit without support he would squirm on the floor and look at the ceiling. When his mother left the house she put him on his back, as if he was still a baby. I watched her with the boy on her back, his movements uncontrolled and jerky – but she remained still and straight. It was another one of those moments where I counted all my blessings.

I learned from my colleagues who did the training that the mother rarely took him out as she was fearful of the comments, gossip and disdain from her neighbors. He was lucky that he had been selected to be fitted with a chair – a win-win arrangement for all: the students got to practice their skills and the boy and his family would be able to experience a more normal life.

On the road again

A colleague of mine calls the AF salon in Paris her CDG office. I tend not to work here but rather relax and eat as there is much good food to be had.

I spent the day preparing for my trip while Axel was the official photographer at the Manchester Club’s annual golf tournament in Peabody and so we said our goodbyes in the morning.

Axel is not a golfer but there are two golf courses that make him wish he was one – this one in Peabody and another one in Jackson New Hampshire up the road from the valley golf course – he prefers the one higher up where we have skied in the past.

Axel being unavailable to drive me to the airport our friend Andrew jumped in, saving me, and the American taxpayer, a taxi or bus fare.

I tested a new chemical to knock me out during night flights and it worked beautifully; it is like Nyquill but without the medicine. As soon as we had departed it kicked in. I woke just before we landed. Managing sleep during this trip is important as I choose the last possible departure date – leaving no time to catch my breath before it is show time in Kinshasa. I have no regrets – this last summer weekend was perfect – I would not have missed it for anything in the world – I have missed too many perfect summer days this year.

Reunions

It is now Sunday morning; one wedding and one memorial service after my last post. The wedding took place on Friday at a beautiful estate west of Boston. There are several of these jewels hidden in the woods around Boston. They harken back to the good old days when wealth could buy you distance from the misery of poor city dwellers; wide vistas, big lawns cut by hired hands, verandas to catch the sun or shade from it any time of the day, light everywhere and rain spouts made from copper.

The weather was on our side – a lovely late summer afternoon amidst family and friends, good food, good drinks and a smiling couple. For me it was also a reunion of sorts as the bride and groom had met in Afghanistan as MSH employees. It was thus also a coming together of MSH’s Afghan hands, including its founder; some flying in from as far as France and Japan. Most are still with MSH except the bride and groom.

I was paying close attention to the many creative touches of the wedding organizers. Exactly one year from now Tessa and Steve will wed. Years ago when the date was picked we thought it was an eternity, but now we are getting close.

The next day we paid our respects to Axel’s cousin Anne who died this summer, succumbing to two vicious cancers.  Axel and Tessa had gone out to California to say their goodbyes.

Anne’s husband flew to Manchester with her ashes. We had a brief service at the graveside where her mom and dad are buried. Many from her high school class were there as many had remained in the neighborhood. Family from Cape Ann, New York and the South Shore also attended. And so we had another reunion, this time at our house, which lasted into the evening. We looked at pictures and reminisced, enjoying, for a second day in a row, a beautiful late summer afternoon, in the company of friends and family, with good food, good drink and a swim in Lobster Cove’s clear waters.

The third reunion was with the grand kids and their parents. They stayed the night. I couldn’t be happier. Saffi is now 2 months old and working hard on strengthening her neck muscle, much like I am working hard to strengthen my shoulder except she does it without weights and rubber bands. She has started to explore her surroundings with greater interest and smiles when Faro comes into view. It’s all one big treat. And now breakfast: pancakes in honor of Faro.

Season’s change

Faro played in the water with a basketball that had come floating in while Saffi slept in a sling close to her mom, oblivious of the fun to be had at the waterfront.  We climbed rocks, and played around the heavily corroded pipe that drains the Putman estate. Faro likes to climb on top of the 1 foot diameter pipe and sticks his head in. He listens to his words as they reverberate deep inside the pipe, throwing in all the names of his family on the other end of the beach: papa, mama, Saffi, opa and oma.

At lunch time the Easthampton family departed to visit one other set of grandparents before heading home. I took advantage of the cool breeze to clean up that part of the flower garden that was starting to seed itself – it is already a tumble of perennials – so control measures were needed. Removing the many dead stalks also allowed me to get to the hundreds of cherry tomatoes that are ripening on the vine.

Today was the first time that I was not able to swim across the cove or to the mouth of the cove as I have done so many times during the summer. The water was too cold; the kind of cold that hurts when you dive in and isn’t going away within a few strokes. I sputtered and gasped for a short distance and turned around.  I tried again after warming up a bit in the sun but it made no difference – maybe swimming season is over. Something has shifted – it’s fall, and the wind is coming from another direction.


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