Archive Page 84

What now?

I had so concentrated on getting to Afghanistan that the reality of living in Afghanistan for 4 weeks without my knee scooter and without Axel had escaped me. That really sunk in when I arrived at the guesthouse. With crutches you cannot carry anything, not even a water bottle from the kitchen to my bedroom. Luckily my colleague Judy, who had arrived a week earlier, was very solicitous. All I had to do was send her a text message and within seconds she was in my room, bringing and taking stuff as needed.

My bedroom and bathroom door were equipped with a tightly set automatic door closure gizmo at the top. This meant I had to push with all my weight to open the door and then manoeuver quickly through it with my crutches, to repeat the same to enter the bathroom. It was a rude awakening from having a commode next to my bed, dutifully emptied each morning by Axel.

But Judy came to the rescue with a knife and unscrewed the gizmo so doors would stay open or opened with a light push. The next challenge was the large bathroom with its slippery tiles, making moving across the wet floor with my crutches rather tricky. A plastic garden chair had been brought in but after the shower navigating the place was daunting. I put a towel on the floor that, even though soaking wet, would give me some grip. Taking a shower had become a complicated undertaking. There were a few moments of panic, how was I going to manage?

But after a good night sleep (on a rather uncomfortable mattress) and several successful trips to the (now dry) bathroom had given me more confidence that I could manage my domestic life. With my boot on I began to practice putting 50% weight on my left leg and discovered that I could walk with a cane in my left hand; no pain.

I had asked Judy to check out the mattresses in the other, still empty, guestrooms and do an exchange but decided I should test them myself. And so I discovered that I could easily ascend the stairs. One floor up, next to Judy, was a nicer, brighter and less garish bedroom with an en-suite bathroom so I decided to move up. The housekeeper and Judy repacked my stuff and moved me in no time, once again unscrewing the door closers.

My previous room has green lights recessed in a series of curved layers (like an upside down terrace) in the ceiling. My new room has green recessed light along the edges of the ceiling and four blue lit panels in the middle. The builder/architect/owner clearly likes colored lights. In the dining room we have a chandelier with lights around the base that constantly change color: from red to blue to purple to green and back.

For lunch we decided to venture out into Kabul to see how easy I could move around. I left the crutches at home and took the cane that Tessa had given me for Christmas. Although I walk slowly and deliberately, I was able to span the short distances from house into car and from car into restaurant without any trouble or pain. Having my right hand free to find support from walls and banisters or carry something, was liberating. I am making progress just in time!

We ate at a lovely French restaurant in Taimani that was new to me. The indoor restaurant encircles a large and lovely garden, now in deep winter sleep but the rose bushes are pruned and ready for spring. We have more plans for outings this week, to dine with friends, and reconnect with Kabul. The cook will have light duty for the coming week.

Complete

Usually I am in the front wave of boarding an aircraft, so I can stuff my stuff. You don’t have to worry about that when you travel business class, and besides, I intentionally packed very little stuff in my hand luggage. In a wheelchair it appears you either get on first or last (and off always last). I was wheeled to the Safi gate by another Kenyan mobility assistant, a young woman this time. We didn’t spend much time together so I never got to hear her story.

The boarding was already completed except for a few stragglers who were collected by a last bus that took us to the plane parked somewhere out on the tarmac. I joined two bulky Irish guys who took me by the elbow and had me up the stairs and into the plane in a jiffy.

The business class was empty except for a two airline employees, a couple from Dubai and a gentleman who could be a senior government official or a warlord, or both. He didn’t sit next to me so I was not able to find out.

Sunrise over Afghanistan is breathtaking. Exquisite geometric patterns on the snowy mountains and rough terrain below are the kinds of things you see on calendars or in coffee table books with titles like ‘Our Beautiful World.’

Our descent into Kabul brought back thousands of memories and missing Axel who so badly had wanted to come to say the farewells he never did. Maybe one day.

To my great relief we parked at a jet way and the wheelchair was right there, waiting to complete my smooth journey. The old and tired looking wheelchair groaned when I dropped myself into the seat; the foot rests were missing and the mobility assistance clearly had not had the training his counterparts in Boston, Paris and Dubai had enjoyed. It was a bumpy and uncomfortable ride, but very swift. The elevator worked, the suitcase was already there and moveable gates were pushed aide to cut to the front of the line and out into the crisp early morning winter air of Kabul.

My Dari started to come back and I was able to re-assure my handler and the young man pushing the baggage cart that there would indeed be a generous baksheesh at the end of the trip. My colleague Steve was waiting at the parking area close to the terminal and a familiar driver and security guard welcomed me back to Kabul. Just outside the airport cars with foreigners are pulled over for an alcohol check. The sight of my crutches produced a wave through. The crackdown on foreign drinking has been stepped up, clearly.

So, all in all, the travel to Afghanistan proved to be rather smooth and comfortable. Now on to the next phase – living in Kabul with crutches.

Grateful one, two and three

Air France still has a first class. I think most of the American airlines abandoned this class years ago. On the Boston flight there were four seats and on the Dubai flight eight. Each first class pod is the size of a New York City studio. All of the seats were empty, even the business class was half full. Yet these two classes together take up a sizeable chunk of the plane’s real estate. Maybe one first class passenger every other flight pays for it all?

The seats, even when fully extended, slant downwards, making me slide down – the foot not really up, but definitely an improvement over economy. I couldn’t have managed the toilets from there. My crutches were put away someplace and each time I needed them someone had to go fetch them. And then the tricky walk up or down the aisle. My biggest fear was unexpected turbulence and the biggest challenge opening the door to the toilet and keeping it open while I hopped inside. I was immensely grateful for the clean toilets and for the absence of lines in front of them.

In Dubai my handler was Alfie from Kenya. I gave him a very big tip because he had to do a lot to get me squared away for the Kabul flight. It goes into his kitty for studying engineering when he gets back to his country. I learned more about the intermediary scoundrels who recruit poorly educated people in Africa and Asia and then keep most of their paychecks, a variation on indentured slavery. Alfie just got our of their tentacles and is now employed by Emirates which will pay his fare to Kenya for leave.

When in a wheelchair you get to go through all sorts of areas that are roped off or closed to the public. This is how one circumvents the stairs and find the elevators. We occasionally went through metal detectors that went off, what with all my metal, but no one seemed to care.

Safi airlines didn’t know anything about wheelchair services, supposedly arranged by our travel agent back in DC. I was not surprised. I was asked whether I could get up the stairs as the plane is not parked at a jetway, otherwise they had to get more sophisticated machinery and lift me into the plane. I said yes as long as someone carried my bags and spots me. So that was unwelcome news – no jetway entry; a bus to the plane (as it will be, no doubt, on arrival).

I was very grateful for Alfie who did all the legwork to get the wheelchair assistance arranged. He parked me on the concourse and walked away with my passport and itinerary. I am a trusting person and had no reason to distrust Alfie, but there was this nagging little voice that said, what if he never comes back? I suddenly felt very vulnerable and realized how hard it would be, from my low sitting position with my handluggage, coat and crutches, to find the right official, and then not have any papers to prove my existence. The place is staffed by lethargic underlings, sitting behind high counters, and who don’t display any recognition that customers are ultimately the ones that keep them employed. It’s not a clear cause and effect diagram in their minds, I gather.

For Safi Airlines wheelchair assistance is an extra, another 100 dollars on top of the already steep fare. Unfortunately, the rules about how the payment was to be done, and where, had changed and the people Alfie was dealing with didn’t know the answer. After much telephoning Alfie was given a slip and we were directed to a ticket sales office, minutes before midnight. The cashier, clad top to toe in black, the uniform for females not wearing airline dress, had a midnight task to do first: adding up the transactions of January 9, 2014 and stapling a thousand little pieces of paper together. Luckily she was fast. Five minutes after midnight she attended to us and I had purchased my wheelchair assistance in no time at all.

And now I am in the Marhaba lounge, available to me because of my business class ticket. I asked Alfie what he would have done with me for the three hour wait if I not had the business class ticket. He told me there is a place where the handlers park their charges, somewhere off on the side. I am trying to imagine that place and am once again grateful, this time to the US government for helping me out.

I have never flown business class to Kabul and wonder why anyone in their right mind would for such a short flight, except when you are very big or, like me, have one very big leg. The economy seats are so close together that even I often had to sit sideways. I wonder who I will be sharing my upper class with: big and crippled people? generals, ambassadors? Ministers? Warlords? More about that later.

On a roll

Everything worked out perfectly, in the end, on this, my departure day. Axel found himself with an abscess under one of his molars and accompanied me to my dental (cleaning) appointment to have it diagnosed. It couldn’t be handled at the small dentist office but an appointment was available immediately at the big dental specialty services center a few towns over.

Everything perfectly timed to allow for an afternoon of packing and a timely departure for the airport. I dropped Axel off at the dental center and was able to go to a nearby bookstore café to get some last minute gifts for friends in Kabul and a coffee. Shopping with crutches is a challenge. I bought a few small and light books that I could squeeze under my arm, just barely. The coffee had to be brought to my table.

Axel, relieved from weeks of piercing headaches, now explained, and a throbbing tooth, drove me to the airport and carried my gear until I was handed over to a ‘mobility assistant,’ but not until we had a beer and some oysters at a travelers’ restaurant.

I am on a roll, quite literally, having completed the first part of the journey, to Paris. Travelling with ‘wheelchair assistance’ is rather nice although you do have to give up some control over time and direction. Still, I could get used to this kind of travel. In Boston I zipped through the long lines at the security checkpoint; throngs of people stepping aside to let me and my Ethiopian mobility attendant through, the masses parting as if I were Moses entering the Red Sea. Security is painless as everything was done for me. Although everything seems to go much slower, I was the first in the plane (but the last one out in Paris).

The Ethiopians (and Eritreans) not only have a hold on the Boston parking situation I discovered, they also seem to have cornered the ‘mobility’ market at the airport. Eritreans and Ethiopians may not be brothers and sisters when at home, but here in the States they are in the same business and seem rather brotherly and sisterly to one another, at least from my seated vantage point.

In Paris I was curious, and admittedly a little anxious, how this wheelchair business would work. For one, you wait, until everyone but the unaccompanied youngsters, the elderly and the crippled remain. Then there is some confusion about which wheelchair is for whom, in spite of the electronica that have everything registered.

A young French mobility assistant took me on a very long and complicated route that included a train and several elevators, all the while sorting out issues related to house keys and school children on her mobile. And then she parked me in the lounge where I will be for several more hours until another mobility assistant will pick me up again to get to the Dubai plane.

Once thing I have noticed is that being one-legged contributes to weight loss, despite the lack of mobility. The Air France lounge is stocked with the kinds of goodies I love: chocolate, petit-pain-au-chocolat, croissants, great cheeses, gazpacho, salads, cornichons and more. But with crutches I can’t carry anything to my table. I suppose I could ask but everyone seems too busy and self-absorbed that I let go of the idea of eating between meals. It won’t hurt me. On my way back I have about 10 hours to kill in the lounge and, presumably, I will be fully two-legged by then (and gain weight again).

First and last

Axel got up early to drive me to my new office for my first appearance there, but also my last for a while. I won’t be back until February 12 which seems a long way off. Next time I come here I should be walking without crutches which I plan to leave behind in Afghanistan.

Axel was probably as curious as I was about the new location, the new commute and my new digs. Still getting up early to commute someone else to work is pretty nice. He’s been the best nurse, cook and bottle washer one could imagine over the last 7 weeks. By the time I come back I should be able to take back some of the chores when I am two-legged again.

The office is nice for extraverts and a little challenging for introverts. It’s one big office garden with light coming through enormous windows from all sides – an artist’s paradise. I felt my spirits lifted the moment I stepped in. I am on the outer band (bank?) of cubicles, looking out over the Tufts Boathouse, just a few yards away and behind it the river. It’s a better view than from our Cambridge location because I had to standup to look out of my window there. Here light and view is a common good, everyone has it. Only one office has no glass walls – it will be our meditation room every Tuesday from 12 to 1. And I suppose the lactation room is a bit more private but I wouldn’t know where it was.

There are only a few people with offices, mostly the top 10 people and a few directors who need privacy because of their work. But even those offices are transparent, with floor to ceiling glass walls only the entrance door is not – there is no hiding, no unnoticed nose picking, yawning or playing cards – we preach transparency and now we practice it as well.

I unpacked two of my three moving crates – everything is on wheels so this was easy. One crate is left. It is full of 27 years of pictures and negatives documenting my MSH journey as well as many of my fellow travelers over the years. There are a few left of those I started with; they can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

I don’t know where to put these pictures. we were all given very little storage room which is a good thing in this age of electronic files. Most of my physical files are nostalgic remnants from my early years at MSH; documents that makes me realize how far we have progressed.

The limited storage space is intentional. We were supposed to have uncluttered ourselves before the move but I never got around that before the operation. It’s a chore for when I have nothing else to do – sorting through everything, to keep or not to keep. Such things are difficult. Sita gave us a book for Christmas that is written by an ‘unclutter coach’ – I had no idea that that is a coaching niche. Clever!

New Year 2014

While I am getting used to my freed new ankle, the reality of my upcoming travel to Afghanistan has begun to set in – practical things so as how to carry things when on crutches and only allowed 50% of my (usual) weight on the left side.

The good thing is that business class travel has been approved and a ticket is being purchased. I should have no worries while on the plane – but it is the spaces and times in between that concern me a bit. I have asked for wheelchair assistance and trying to imagine if I ever saw a wheelchair at Kabul airport. And would I be parked for several hours in a wheelchair outside a gate? Would there be someone to push me to the bathroom if I need to go or leave my stuff with? And what stuff should I hand carry – not the usual heavy backpack probably. I have all these questions one never thinks about when both legs are working.

Packing for my trip is also going to be a bit of a challenge. Usually I make multiple trips up and down the stairs, carrying stuff this way and that. I have to be a lot more organized and, with this in mind, have started to make lists. It’s winter in Afghanistan, which is always a more complicated packing task and also makes for a heavier suitcase than usual.
I feel I am making some progress on the healing. Only occasionally does my ankle hurt, mostly my leg is stiff and weak. I am practicing walking, with 5 to 10% of my weight on the foot (presumably my level of comfort will tell when I am going over 10%). And each time I get up I have to decide, scooter or crutches?

We started 2014 with a whopping snowstorm which has left us 2 feet under. A front loader was needed to clean our driveway; ordinary snow plows attached to a truck no longer sufficient. It made for a cozy time inside and productive workdays thanks to the power lines holding the weight of the snow. The cove is a cauldron, waves of 4 to 6 meters and a very high tide submerged parts not usually submerged. We hope we didn’t lose more land – we won’t find out until spring, when the storms subside.

Cast off

The pink cast was sawed off by what looked like a stick blender with a small circular saw. I couldn’t see any safety device that would keep it from going through the cast, the cotton layers underneath and then in my leg.

The young assistant who did the sawing giggled at my nervousness, assuring me that it was safe. But I was not convinced, especially when I could feel the pressure of the metal on the cotton, pushing into my leg. Her supervisor, I assume, came to check in on her and took over the job, maybe she was too careful. The supervisor pushed harder on the saw and I could feel more pressure on the cotton. I forgot to breathe, Axel discovered from across the room, documenting the whole process on his iPhone.

And then out came the shriveled leg with its skin looking like old parchment. The purple markings of where to cut where still as clear as they were on surgery day. The place that had felt like it was jabbed by an icepick for the last 6 weeks was unblemished – the jabbing had been done from the inside by nerves frantic looking for new pathways. The loss of sensation on the left side of my foot has diminished only slightly. We were told it was to be expected and would continue to diminish over time. I know the self-healing power of nerves from watching Axel’s limp left arm and hand come to life slowly over a year after the accident.

I have now entered phase 3 of the ankle fusion process: six more weeks in an orthopedic boot with increasing levels of weight bearing: 25% the next 7 days; 50% the week after and then gradually to full weight bearing.

This means the crutches and knee scooter are still important aids apart from the boot – no standing or walking without a boot until mid-February. It also means that I will have to travel with crutches to Afghanistan, 8 days from now. It was not quite what I had planned but it is too late to turn back, unless the business class upgrade that I requested is disapproved by our benefits manager. In that case I will stay home and continue the healing here.

Four more days, and soon I will be counting the hours till cast off. The last 8 days went fast, as expected, because of the Christmas distraction.

The day before Christmas Eve everyone arrived from Dorchester and Easthampton. Furniture was pushed to the walls to make room for the Christmas tree plus Faro and the two dogs, allowing just a little opening for me on my scooter.

We celebrated Christerklaas, starting at 11 PM on Christmas Eve, one hour earlier than usual. Despite last minute signs and groans about not being able to do much this year, everyone pulled through with poems (or prose in some cases), fantastic constructions as fake presents pointing to the real thing.

The gifts and poems this year were about cooking, knitting, and feasting the eyes this earth’s amazing landscapes, plus some chocolate on the side. The center piece for Faro was a shiny black baby grand piano, various trucks and books for opa and oma to read to him (we are currently quite taken with David Wiesner (Tuesday, Flotsam, June 29, 1999).

By 1:30 AM enough of us were yawning to suspend the festivities. We have exhausted young parents in our midst now – no matter how late they go to bed, Faro will wake them up at about 7:30 AM at the latest. We had only made a small dent in the pile of presents under the tree and the poems dangling from its branches.

We continued late the next day, Christmas Day, when everyone had emerged from their various quarters and Faro was fed and ready for his nap. Axel and I gave each other ‘non-thing’ presents – a massage and a two day trip to Maine with a visit to Axel’s favorite museum in Rockport and maybe a side trip, if we can swing it, to one of Axel’s Afghan student who came up from New Mexico to visit his American parents for the holidays.

Tessa, Steve and the dogs have returned to Dorchester, leaving us to enjoy a few more days of Faro and his parents before they too return to their home, after a visit to the New England Aquarium on Sunday morning. By then, I am sure, time will slow down again, but then I will be down to 48 hours.

In the meantime my office has moved from its prime Cambridge location on Memorial Drive to Boston’s northern suburb of Medford – a shorter commute for me in distance; no longer require traversing the Tobin Bridge into the city. Next week I will start experimenting with the best route.

Countdown 12

Twelve more days was the first thought that came to mind when I woke up. The twelve days till cast off include some days that will go by very fast, like next week.

I continue to work full time from my command center, holding several balls up in the air – each ball requiring much reading, much thinking, much organizing.

Outside working hours I relax knitting and sewing things for Faro – it’s nice to have a small object like him for my projects – none takes long enough to get boring. All will be wrapped up for Christmas. Faro’s needs and non needs (non things) can be crossed off the list. My hunch is that most of his wishes are non things, like learning the alphabet, the names of birds and things in the sky other than moons and seeing his oma and opa on Skype.

I try to catch him on Skype at dinner time. We go over food groups and he gets to practice whatever new words his parents have taught him. His mind is like a sponge, with terabytes of space on his developing hard drive. On the outside I see him growing in height, weight and sprouting more hair every day. I can’t wait to see him in a few days.

In the meantime I am learning to navigate frozen ground and made a few outings in spite of the winter weather. I can in and out of houses and up and down steps with the help of strong helpers and my own hardening biceps. The left leg however is showing signs of atrophy – how quick the muscles lose their tone.

The plastic sleeve that is supposed to keep my leg dry under the shower, and is based on an entrance that should be (and was) narrower than my thigh, is no longer providing a waterproof seal. As a result I have to shower with my leg up against the shower stall wall, ballerina like.

I ventured down into the basement where supplies are kept that were no longer available upstairs and Axel was away. With the help of an old wooden lacrosse stick, serving as a crutch, I was able to hop across the cellar floor and get what I needed. It is amazing what one can do on one leg when there is a need.

I am working on my early spring travel schedule which kicks off with a month long trip to Kabul. Subsequent trips to Uganda and Malawi are somewhat in conflict and I am negotiating with various stakeholders that are not beholden to one another.

I have scheduled three PT sessions as soon as my cast is off in the first week of January. I will be on my own for over a month after that. Although I am familiar with the PT place in Kabul (they still should have my card in their files) I don’t think I will go there this time as my time is all accounted for by four different assignments.

Halfway mark

I have just reached the halfway mark of my non-weight-bearing left leg condition. Every morning I calculate the days remaining till ‘cast off.’

The nerve action in my left foot is subsiding a bit which makes me think that the persistent nerve cells have found passages through the altered terrain of my left ankle. One particular point remains tender, as if an icepick is applied on it over and over again. It chafes on the cotton wads that protect my foot and leg from the unforgiving cast. But I don’t want to know what’s going on there – 18 more days and all will be revealed.

I have learned to be quite self-sufficient, showing once more our species’ resilience and adaptability. I can get up and down the stairs, dress and undress, shower, make meals all by myself. Still, Axel is doing double duty, especially when it comes to getting things for which one needs a car. I had had some illusion that by now I could drive myself to work, getting my scooter in and out of the car by myself – but that is not going to happen.

This working from home business has some nice side effects:

-I don’t have to get up at 4:30 AM three days a week and enjoy the luxury of sleeping till 7 every day and seeing my husband before the end of the day.
-I don’t have to do the Christmas commute from hell, which is the entire month of December, passing three major shopping centers to and from work with no alternative routes available.
-I can knit while listening to presentations or participate in teleconferences. As a result I have knitted a pair of socks for Faro to wear in his tiny Dutch clogs and nearly finished a sweater.
-I have been given several writing and review tasks which I have completed in record time as there are no distractions from commutes, in person meetings or walk-ins for gossip or chats with colleagues.
-I am not snacking on cookies, donuts and chocolates which are usually parked right outside my office.


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