Sylvia's Journal

I can’t help making comparisons between the before and the after (the crash). I used to wake up at 5 AM. Axel used to comment on how instantly I turned ‘on’ in the morning, my brain springing into action, my body swinging itself out of bed, all in nanoseconds. Now it feels as if I slowly swim to the surface of awareness. With each inch that I get closer, I am getting also more conscious of the 1000 little aches as the body wakes up. Sometimes it takes me 30 minutes to wake up like that.

Yesterday Axel’s therapist Paul showed up, on Sita’s request. We sat outside looking at the Cove slowly filling in with the tide and I talked, cried, discovered while Paul mostly listened and from time to time pointed out things that I had overlooked. Such as, that in time of crisis or hardship (not really having experienced any trauma like this in my life), the first person I’d turn to is always the person who is my very best friend, Axel. Yet in these last 3 weeks he was the one person I had not spent even a second alone with. We could not hold each other; we couldn’t even talk privately as our two best sides matched up with his ear that could not hear. Try to have an intimate conversation when you have to communicate by shouting, with all sorts of caretakers and random hospital roommates around you.

When I asked Paul about the billing for this conversation he smiled and said, did you not read the conditions in my brochure? It says that for people who survived a plain crash I don’t send a bill. Thanks Paul, it was a most wonderful conversation.

Then came Jono, President of MSH, who discovered not only this most beautiful part of the world but also that the big stone house across the cover is the house of his college mate George Putnam III. We chatted while the Cove continued to fill up. Jono is no stranger to getting phone calls after work hours about staff and plane crashes, but luckily this one ended well. He has been cheering the three of us on from that fateful Saturday when he showed up in the hospital and he can only see progress. Thanks Jono for coming all the way to see me; I know time is precious to you and I deeply appreciate your gift of time and attention.

After a quick visit from the VNA nurse, who will discharge me next week as I return to my usual care provider in Manchester Tessa took me to see Axel. This was going to be the private visit while Joe and Sita and Tessa had lunch and their last powwow before Joe headed back to San Diego. Axel and I sat in our wheelchairs facing each other. It is a bit awkward, you can’t hold each other, or snuggle up with breastplates, plaster casts and fingers that don’t work on their own but we touched, held hands and cried a bit and then the private moment was over as doctors and therapist filed in and succeeded each other in quick succession with a focus on the needs of the body, rather than the mind. Nevertheless, all the things they talked about are very important to us, such as, will the nerve damage be for good or temporarily and how can we avoid a trip to Worcester.

After all, we had had our few moment together alone. We are changed now in that we are grateful for small mercies and our needs are simple. Just being together is a treat.

In the evening Sarah and Elena from work showed up with a delicious chicken/salmon salad, including wine for the girls and strawberries and cream, plus office stories and greetings from everyone.

Funny, only a month I was trying to lose some excess weight and now everyone is cheering me on (“mangi, mangi, mangi!”). Much emphasis on my GI system and the need to get those pounds back on. By the way, the news from the GI front is good, even though it is a battlefield of chemicals vying for victory, the white team putting the system to sleep and the yellow team rousing it to do its noisy and messy work. Yellow is slightly ahead!

It was a good day. Special thanks to our dear friends Carol and Chris from Seatttle/DC who provided for ongoing massage support for the caretakers just when we wondered how we could get that to continue. We are immensely grateful. The universe is providing to us with such abundance that it fills us with awe.