Sylvia's Journal

I am not sure whether it is because the more painful body parts are healing now, and asking less attention or whether my new found mobility is creating new misalignments. At any rate, new muscle aches and pains have surfaced. I asked the physical therapist whether she could help me regain range of motion in my neck and upper arm and she said yes, but I needed a new referral and make a new set of appointments because right now all she was authorized to work on was my ankle. The insurance company pays for the treatment of body parts, not for the whole.

My sister found the poem I was looking for. Her internet searching skills are superior to mine. It was a line from A.R. Ammons (I look for the way/ things will turn/ out spiraling from a center,/ the shape/things will take to come forth in…not the shape on paper — though/ that, too –…summoning itself through me/ from the self not mine but ours.) This ‘spiraling out from the center’ line has remained in my head like a tune that won’t go away. Not surprisingly it emerged again during my EMDR therapy session yesterday afternoon. Just before we crashed I did indeed ‘spiral out from the center’ although I only experienced the first veering away from the central course I was on before I blacked out. May be that is why the line has such power for me.

We focused on a particularly distressing image (there are a few but for now I picked the one of Axel, de-gloved as the medics call it, and running fast out of blood). Although I did not see this myself it was described in sufficient details that it gave me the willies and created a strong physical reaction. I cannot quite describe in a simple way how EMDR works (go Google) without it sounding rather odd. Suffice to say that I gradually lost the powerful reaction to the image.

I dreamed of an island or a group of people adrift, frozen in very cold place or may be they were left behind bobbing in a cold stream. I went back to get them and bring them to shore (warmer, safer). It was full of imagery about being stuck and cold and when I woke up it stayed with me and seemed perfect imagery for what I did in the therapy, where we retrieved my frozen emotions triggered by the imagery of Axel’s injury and brought them over to a warm and safe place.

We had breakfast with Jim and Judy and then Jim interviewed and videotaped Axel and me about how we had used the methods we learned through ICA and how we had been transformed (or not) and transformed (or not) others. Jim and Judy are collecting stories as they cruises around the country from people who are connected in one way or another to ICA. I have many stories and I love to talk about them. I certainly was transformed by ICA’s methods even though I have since supplemented them with many others. The methods helped me find others who share a basic philosophy about groups (‘the wisdom that the group needs to move forward is always in the room’) and eventually helped me articulate what my life is all about (life 1 and life 2) – helping people have productive conversations.

Ellie Cabot spent a good part of the day driving Axel to doctors’ appointments, the biggest of which was the eye doctor who subjected him to an enormous battery of tests. The outcome of all this was that the prognosis for his double vision is good although it may take as long as a year.

Patti Woodlock from Waring picked me up at the therapist and made us a wonderful dinner and also promised to introduce us to the owners of the new home across the cove who she knows well. “En zo breidt de wereld zich gaandeweg uit,” as my sister wrote on Caringbridge, which means, “and this is how the world expands slowly and steadily.”