Sylvia's Journal

What with a new dishwasher in the near future and MLK’s encouraging speech to us, this new day winks at me from behind the porch window with a big smile.

Contrary to Sita’s and Tessa’s prediction about my adventure up and down the stairs yesterday – which they disapproved of – I feel fine and not any more sore than other days. I even took one pain pill less last night, bringing down the oxycontin to 10 mg for the night. I am going to push the envelop and not take any oxycontin this morning.

I am reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini and recommend it to anyone who needs some perspective on their own suffering. Here I am with bruises and broken bones but encircled by a large network of people cheering for us. The Afghan women whose story Hosseini tells have no supporters at all with broken teeth and bruises inflicted by their husband and other self-righteous men. At times it is too painful to read and I put it away because although this is a story, I know there are many women still living such nightmares daily, all over the world. And then I count my blessings and pull that necklace out again.

We had a quiet morning yesterday. The duty nurse always sets an alarm, no matter what time the girls go to bed, and she gets me started with the day. This includes setting the shower up for me, making breakfast, counting my pills, bringing my computer and book to the living room. Sometimes the morning duty nurse is very talkative, sometimes she is not and I can barely look past the slits that are her eyes.

Yesterday morning our neighbor Kurt showed up with his grounds man Paul and in the pouring rain they installed a beautiful ramp at the other door that leads to our sitting area on the Cove side. I can now go out when it is nice without having to be wheeled around the house. He also always brings a bag of blueberries. Thanks so much Kurt, what a wonderful gift!

Ellie Cabot, our former neighbor stopped by and we compared notes on broken ankles and recovery times. She also brought lobster salad and we talked about hospital beds and sleeping arrangements. Later in the day Ellie came back with all sorts of supplies to make me more comfortable, such as a cast cover for the shower, a neck brace, etc.

The Lipkinds showed up after Ellie with dinner and they stayed with me while the girls ran errands. Leslie, a therapist herself, was a great help in sorting out the kind of therapy I am looking for and the process of selecting one from the list that Paul and mary supplied me with. This is a task I am going to tackle on Monday.

I talked with Joan as she is trying to sort out the various dimensions of going home. In those moments the guilt comes creeping back up. Joan is so very generous and forgiving but I am also so completely aware that all the things she has to deal with, all that discouraging complexity, is all because of a mistake I made. At least when Axel comes home I can play a role in helping him adjust to being home, but with Joan I cannot offer much of anything and am frustrated by that state of affairs. She will make her first ride in a car and I hope that this will not be as scary as she thinks it is. The insurance is done with ambulances.