Sylvia's Journal

Did we become ‘new’ persons or are we so set in our ways that all the old flaws and impatience and quirks and whatnot are coming back as soon as our bodies allow us to act these out again? I have pondered the question of how the accident has changed me and I have not been able to answer it. I thought Joan and Axel had decided they were changed. Now that I am living with Axel again I watch him and part of me is re-assured, I got the old Axel back with his old charms, quirks and flaws, in short everything that has made him the man I love so much. I think this is a good thing, why would I want a new Axel?

Yesterday he was as active and impatient and wanting to start all sorts of things at the same time and vented his frustration exactly as before, except he can’t do it physically in quite the same way. He is still adjusting to being so totally dependent on the kindness of others, and since Chris was our only caretaker after Sita and Tessa left for the day, it was Chris who had to attend to every need we could not take care of ourselves. For me that means moving furniture (the place is cluttered with tables and chairs), fetching things that are either upstairs or that I cannot hold while wheeling myself around. For Axel is it anything that involves bending or that requires two good hands. So, Chris had his hands full: he did all the fetching and bending and he also shopped, dug up potatoes from the garden, picked the spinach (we prefer that Axel eats real spinach instead of the taking the constipating iron pills), cooked our meals, served us, filled our glasses (with milk, water or pretend beer), and helped me get to a standing position at the top of the stairs. He even had to help unplug the toilet which frequently gets constipated as well. So, when you sign up for duty, this is what you can expect. Luckily, Chris, who is a birder, also got some distraction from the birds that visit us in Lobster Cove and he made frequent trips outside with his binoculars and recover from all the chores.

After a particularly hectic Friday, Sita was officially off-duty and slept in late to prepare herself for a weekend with friends and then her one week trip to Dallas. Tessa left early for her estate care taking job and after that for her beloved leather shop in Rockport. If you live in the neighborhood you have exactly 2 weeks left to experience Tessa trying to sell you leather goods. It is quite an experience and I highly recommend it (Bear Skin Neck Leathers in Rockport with its lovely garden in front).

Our neighbor Ann Kneissel visited for awhile and brought us a treat for lunch: a pound of lobster tails which Chris turned into a wonderful lobster salad, as well as a quart of wild blueberries. I suspect there will be blueberry pancakes this morning.

After Axel supervised Chris cleaning out the ‘dead-flowers-in-vases cemetery’ outside by the ramp, the visiting nurse showed up and we had an extraordinary visit with her which lasted about 2 hours. It was in our view healthcare at its best with the emphasis on care. She was funny, irreverent, caring, and knowledgeable and so completely engaged with both of us about our post-accident bodies and psyches that it felt she was part of the family. We were sad to see her go. She also is a landscaper at the Beaufort Mansion in Gloucester (remember Alison?) and has a gardening business. She limits her nursing to the weekends, as anything more creates too much paperwork.

All through this I worked on the 1500 piece puzzle Anzie brought me a week ago and got no help from Axel or Chris (neither one gets it). The puzzle is now 2/3rds done. I puzzled so much that in my dreams everything showed up as puzzle pieces.

Tessa came home about 9 PM and Chris and Tessa completed our evening ritual which included a brief philosophical exchange about how we are or are not changed, pills, pillows, water, commodes/pee-bottles, vitamin E applications on scars, kisses and ‘I-love-you’s. It was a great day and we feel blessed with everything that has come our way.