Sylvia's Journal

Now that Labor Day is over I am acutely aware of how we are sidelined in daily life. Back to school is the central activity in this country today but it extends also to ‘back to work’ and back to normal non-vacation life. There is much activity associated with the realization that winter is approaching.

Our condition does not let us partake in all this activity. And although we may be in the center of attention for many people, we both feel sidelined because there is so little we can do ourselves in terms of participation in the world. It reminds me of the biblical story of Jesus’ forty days in the desert. The desert in the bible is a place of encounter, renewal and testing and forty days usually stands for a period of great transition in which endurance, patience and faith is put to the test. The two go together as a place and a time.

Much has been tested; our bodies are still in the middle of the test and so are our minds. We have a ways to go before we can put our pens down and get up and walk out feeling we passed it. The results of the test of our friendships are out: they are as robust as we could wish them; and so have our social networks which have shown to be powerful and resourceful beyond expectation. Most importantly, this has been a period that has tested our daughters and they have shown to be everything that we could have hoped for in our wildest dreams. We could put our heads on our pillow and say we are done if we wanted to. We have delivered to the world two very loving, caring, resilient, creative, resourceful, strong and caring young women. We suspected this already, but now we have proof. I suppose it also has been a test of our love for each other; that was the easiest of all tests for us.

We are not yet at the end of our symbolic forty days and so the test continues. Our faith is intact, so far all our tests have gone well and the rest is a matter of endurance.

Yesterday was characterized by much pain, tiredness and in the morning the day seemed too long and too complex to manage despite the modest objectives I had set for myself (the mailbox got down to 12 emails). Axel had to resort to pain pills and me to hot packs on various parts of my body. And yet it was a gorgeous late summer day. I sat outside and read, hobbled around the garden and discovered that the bean plant is finally producing. We had only a few visitors and phone calls. Jacek came by to check our progress since early August and Axel’s cousin Pam from Oakland came by in the evening with her husband Courtney after a weekend in Franconia where they had spread the ashes of her younger brother Eric who died unexpectedly last November. We had planned to be there with them. Her visit was a close as we could be to the event.

Although there was no meals on wheels delivery planned on the calendar, a meal was delivered spontaneously by Deb and Tim who live in town. Deb brought us a wonderful chilly with all the trimmings that served exactly the number of people who showed up at our table.

Sita passed the baton to night nurse Jim who did a good job putting us to bed, while she tended the fire on the beach with the house phone in her pocket just in case.