Sylvia's Journal

Today I have been thinking a lot about my two grandmothers. Both broke the mold of what a woman was supposed to do. Both acquired professional skills at a time that few women were allowed or encouraged to pursue a professional education and career.

My mother continued in that tradition, first finishing her studies, and then working as a medical doctor in various capacities after her marriage. She also brought six children into the world (2 girls) and sent them off on their way into schools, marriages with kids and careers with earning power.

I grew up standing on their shoulders. I did not have to fight for my rights, they were given and assumed. In my family women were expected to pursue professional education and a career first before embarking on marriage and then expected to continue to work after the children came. And in home affairs women usually took the lead.

Still, one thing was not entirely worked out yet as the women who followed this new path never gave up their other roles as wives and mothers. Theirs was a triple load and they carried it with their tired bodies and graying hairs. I grew up to consider this normal; only now I see how unfair it was. My generation and those of my daughters are rectifying this imbalance with some success. Loads are more shared now.

I wish I could summon my mother and grandmothers to visit with the young Afghan girls who are repeating their struggles. The fights and sacrifices of my grandmothers and my mother are those of so many of the young women who I have gotten to know here.

What advice would my mother and grandmother give to those girls who are forced into life decisions that are loaded with pain and unhappiness from the get go? Rebel? Bear and grin it? Cut loose? Reason? Find allies? How to end the gut-wrenching agony of hurting either themselves, their prospect for a happy and productive life, or hurting those who are close to them.

My heart is full of sadness to see families willingly sacrifice their young women for the sake of tradition yet fail to see the evidence that sacrificing the girls means holding back the nation.